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The night was cold and bright with stars, the moon gazing down at the earth, eerie glistening light pouring over the surrounding countryside. All was still, no wind rustled through the trees, no whisper swept past the branches, nothing moved. Everything was still like a black and silver picture. It was also silent, deathly silent, and if any human was nearby even they would feel the anticipation in the air. But no one was around, it was deserted in the large gardens of Amber cottage, its residences taken care of not so long ago.
After many hours of prickling silence a small sound began to be heard, by the owl sitting in one of the high trees. It looked down at the large stone with a beady eye and waited. The sound came again, a soft scratching that was barely a sound at all, though the owls sharp hearing could pick it up in the chilling silence. The scratching slowly began to grow loader as the minutes ticked by, coming from under the giant stone that was placed in the middle of the ...
His voice is low and pleading in her ear. It speaks of a thousand battles lost, generations destroyed, cities massacred by disease and famine. All the tragedy in the world, the awful, heartbreaking sadness that it is to be alive is layered in his words, three simple words that rip her soul and body apart.
“Please,” it begins. “Eat something.”
She buries her head deeper into the soft, downy cushions scattered on the couch. Her long hair, cascading in loops and tendrils, tickles scratchily against her cheeks. She ignores it and fights a sob, because she won’t let him know she’s crying, she won’t, (although he probably knows already but she ignores that thought).
“What about this?” he says, and she opens her eye a fraction. A pomegranate, soft and pink, seems out of place in his hard, stubby fingers.
He lays it down next to the fruit bowl and instead lays the hand on her back. It’s cold against her skin and she shies away from his touch, s...
This chapter is now the beginning of the present day and the start of the actual story. I'm not entirely satisfied with this chapter, which is why I took a while in finally posting it on here. It's quite a short chapter and everything that I wanted to happen in it has happened, but I just can't shake the feeling that something's missing, although I can't exactly pinpoint what. I have also included a newspaper article in this chapter and would love to know whether you think it's realistic or not. I would love your thoughts and suggestions on this chapter and also any harsh critiques are (as always) very much welcome (: Thank you for reading this and I hope you enjoy!
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Chapter One
Another tragic car crash was splashed across the headlines of every English newspaper. Carefully, the people of New York scanned the headlines, shaking their heads in astonishment: one man killed, leaving his six months pregnant wife behind. How tragic.
Rosaline Radley was one of tho...
Hey people!
This is my first try writing a super duper long story [Like as long as a published book you'd come across], and this is only the first chapter. (I'm unsure of how to space the paragraphs, italicise, etc...)
I can't seem to kickstart with a satisfying beginning, and I hope you fellow writers could help me,
Suggestions, critiques, pointing out mistakes... Be brutal if you need to (: I want to learn!
I have some ideas where I did not do so well, but I may be wrong, so...
Please help me! It sound so...cheesy.
Much much appreciated, thanks!
(Its just the intro to the story so I'm sorry if it lacks flavour, dialogue and makes you fall asleep.)
*SUPER NO OFFENSE to the guys who read this, I'm not implying anything. Seriously, so don't be mad, kay? *
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How do you escape from a nightmare? Not just merely a dream, but reality. How do you escape reality?
Okay, this is my first story to submit, so please critque!! I am totally new at this!! I hope you enjoy.
[b]Page 1
The harsh wind blew all around in the half destroyed city. Almost all the houses were either gone or burnt. Tracks on the road showed where the soldiers marched the day before.
The town looked deserted besides a weathered old man standing in front of one of the only surviving houses. His hat covered his face so that no one from a distance could see it.
The man knocked on the door. No one answered. “I know you are in there, Kristen,” Still no one came to the door. “Will you please drop the planting pot that you are about to hit me with?” Behind him, a pot shattered as it hit the ground. He smiled.
The door was yanked open by a young girl with brown curls. Her green eyes clearly showed confusion. “Who are you?” she asked curiously. “That is not important right now.” The man replied.
The eight-year old girl placed her hands on her hips. “Do ...
Peyton sat in a jungle of empty cubicles on the top floor of one of the tallest buildings in New York, in her new red dress and designer pumps, carefully studying a plethora of photos of mangled bodies. She heard a sharp and loud CRACK of thunder and looked up from her desk, out the sprawling glass windows overlooking Manhattan and saw massive bolts of lightning rip apart the black sky. She averted her attention back to her desk and checked her phone for new messages, she was expecting a call back from the police chief on the latest report on the city’s latest serial killer; five dead in three weeks, and the police still had no leads. Ignoring the five messages from her roommate, Janine, asking her when she would be home, Peyton set the phone back on her desk and continued on in her research. Thunder and lightning clamored and flashed a second time, demanding her attention, but she was deep in thought. Peyton reviewed the information she had gathered so far about the five peopl...
Hey I would love any critiques. And since it is a bit long, if you only want to read a little then comment I would greatly appreciate it. This was going to be a prelude, but it ended up being kind of long so maybe now it will just be the start of a new chapter... not sure...
Rune slowly took in a long deep breath and allowed the fresh air to fill her lungs. She reveled in the smell of salt water that drifted up from the ocean below. A flock of sea gulls went soaring by overhead, their caws echoing in the crisp morning air as they flew up into the clear blue sky. The red headed girl slowly turned from the cliff side where she stood, watching the ocean waves break on the rocks below. Taking one last pensive glance down at the emerald sea, Rune hesitated and wished with all her heart that she could stay. A sigh of resignation finally emanated from her mouth as she turned and headed down to where her horse stood, tied up to a lonely tree at the bottom of the hill.
Can you please comment on my story. I worked really hard on it, but I dont think its really good.
This story is about a game called War Hammer 40000 but the story was written by me.
Hermanin journal or last memories in his mined of the Beginning of the War Age:
It was a couple hours before New Years. The year was 39,999. It should have been a celebration for Earth. Nobody couldn't’t wait to celebrate our planets 40,000 birthday; but couple weeks ago something happened.
Their was a little group of people called the “Brainy Boys.” They created something glorious at first. In time it started to swell in a hole. The creation was an “Ork.” That could repair almost anything and could fight like a Spartan. The Orks got so smart that they decided to take over Earth.
As I said it was couple ours before New Years, I and the last squad of Space Marines (special unit) were getting ready for the last battle of London not knowing this...
My heart taken away
Like the soul in my body just flying away
And I, just flew into heaven
Or is it you girl coming here with angels
And I just found love inside of my heart
That’s been silent for a while
------freestyle-----
Yeah, I love you left and right
Even is you mess something up
I will still stand by your side
My heart is almost crying
Releasing the tears from inside of me
-------end freestyle------
Love has been in my mind
Almost taking me miles
Through the silent hours
That I have spent waiting for you
To come to me or me come to you
And say “I truly love you”
My life, is breaking apart
The blood, is coming out of my heart
Graveyard- it is where I stand
The hourglass, is in reapers hands
-Now here the time goes out, the rain brings in clouds
-My heart rate has now stopped, and my body just dropped
I fade away, into the darkness
I blend myself, with the background
And slowly, am being forgotten
By everyone, by everyone I knew
---Beat to the chores---
Set my heart on fire
Make my blood pressure higher
Make me crazy inside of my brain
You did this all over again
You’re going to make me feel pain
You did this all over again
-Now here the time goes out, the rain brings in clouds
-My heart rate has now stopped, and my body just dropped
The day turns from dawn to dusk
The clouds are shaped like tusk
My final words don’t exist
As I stand still I can’t resist
The only images in my mind were the gate and my blood. My legs ached under the stress of running at full speed. I pushed through the gate to find Lucy sitting in the courtyard picking up rocks. She looked up with a smile that was shot into terror. I grabbed her around the waist and held her by my side as I leaped over the steps leading to the front door of the house. Swinging the door open, I yelled into the house, “Everybody upstairs, now!”
All of the girls immediately halted and stared at me.
“Now!” I put Lucy down and gave her a shove towards the staircase. A sudden burst of panic struck the girls and they all scrambled to get to the stairs. After counting to make sure they were all there, I hobbled up the stairs, trying not to leave a trail of blood droplets. When I reached the top of the platform, most of the girls had already slid through the trapdoor into the rooms below. Standing next to the open door, holding the rug up was Lucy.
...
The wind whimpered down Londlow’s narrow cobbled streets. It caught at the thatched or tiled roofs of the houses, rippled the surface of a new puddle in the gutter and nipped the noses of the three small boys standing at the head of the queue outside the printer’s shop. Behind the boys, listening to their talk and sudden loud laughter, Gilbert dug his hands into his coat pockets and whished he had a better scarf than the darned and faded blue one wound around his neck. The wind lifted a corner of the poster that was tacked unevenly across the shop window. It looked at odds with the sign that hung above the shop door: Eldon Kennard, Printer.
The poster – garishly illustrated and completely melodramatic – was what had attracted Gilbert’s attention in the first place. It showed a creature that seemed to be a mix between a bird, a dog and a human. It was covered in dark fur, had dark wings and was crouched on all fours. Above the picture were the words, ‘The Raven ...
My bones, you see, are in far worse condition than
even the most brittle woman of sixty-five who,
if she fell down the stairs
(bump, bump, bump
like rap blared out of car radios with the bass
turned up so loud that my eardrums fracture into a thousand
flies.) would break her hip in four, five different places.
Far worse.
Also, I've come to realize that I'm nothing more than
a whale singing lonely bar lounge tunes to the crill,
wearing a whole skyful of carbuncles like
beauty marks on my back.
These parasites make my complexion all rough and gritty
like the calloused hands of Mexican circuit workers.
The parking lots of my heart have been all crowded up
with indistinct feelings of
schizophrenia and –
can
you
hearthemthevoices?
Voices that crawl up and down my body
like wounded soldiers pulling themselves forward on their
bellies with their elbows through Vietnamese long grass
that hides little children of insanity, hid...
Three years have come and gone
Yet the pain remains so strong
Why did you have to go so young?
The water wasn’t that deep
But still, you began to sink
I couldn’t grasp you, I couldn’t revive you
Why didn’t I realize the words that couldn’t be sung?
For now, the pain has only begun
At last, I tried to say I was “sorry”
But the words can’t escape my tongue
You’re just a memory
Gone so young
Some don’t understand
But you’re still clear
Always in my heart
I just want you here
Don’t you see?
You’re still a part of me
Are you in heaven? It’s been too long
Seven years have come and gone
Yet the pain remains so strong
Why did you have to go so young?
All I want is just one more night
I promise you, I will hold you tight
No more pain to pull ...
Automated message: Your call has been forwarded to an automated messaging service. ‘Jon Bryant’ is not available to take your call. At the tone, record your message. After you have finished, hang up, or stay on the line to hear more options.
Joanna: Hi Jon, it’s Joanna. I… well, I heard what happened. I just wanted to ask how you’re doing… which I suppose is a pretty useless question in cases like this, huh? So what can I say? I know you’re really close with your family, and I know this is hard, but no one who hasn’t gone through it can know just how hard… I’m completely fudging things now. Just remember I’m always, always here for you. If you need anything at all—and you know I’m not just saying this, I want you to come to me first for anything you want, from cupcakes to drugs. Give me a call if you want to talk.
And Jon—I am so sorry. No one should ever be put through this.
*
