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Sportgurl46
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 Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 3:07 am Post subject: Jesse |
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ok, so I made this up in the middle of my school year last year. I made it for my best friend. I changed her name so it isn't really Jesse. This is just a silly little thing that I thought I would put on here. Hope you enjoy it 
Jesse I love you like whoa,
so please don't ever go.
If you did I would cry,
I would drop dead and die,
and also I'd feel really low. |
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Last edited by Sportgurl46 on Sun Jul 27, 2008 7:02 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Yatta!
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| Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2008 1:03 am Post subject: |
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| That's too cute. |
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Rascalover
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| Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2008 7:23 pm Post subject: Re: Jesse |
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| Sportgurl46 wrote: |
Jesse I love you like whoa,
so please don't ever go.
If you did I would cry,
I would drop dead and die,
and also I'd feel really low. |
I really don't think the last line is needed, but oh well.
its super cute! and since it's for a friend, ignore my little statement above |
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errtu2
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| Posted: Wed Jul 30, 2008 7:56 am Post subject: |
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Oh sport girl
with a poem not hard to unfurl
i always miss that certain poem
that reminds me of puppy loves dome
and it would do me no good to lie
without limericks i would too die |
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Amaryllis
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| Posted: Wed Jul 30, 2008 10:51 pm Post subject: Re: Jesse |
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That was cute! I liked it!
| Rascalover wrote: |
| Sportgurl46 wrote: |
Jesse I love you like whoa,
so please don't ever go.
If you did I would cry,
I would drop dead and die,
and also I'd feel really low. |
I really don't think the last line is needed, but oh well.
its super cute! and since it's for a friend, ignore my little statement above |
If it's a limerick, dropping the last line would make it not a limerick anymore. Maybe you should think of something else that rhymes with "go" and "whoa" that flows better. But overall, I enjoyed it! It made me smile. |
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Wolf_Link95
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 7:20 pm Post subject: |
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| lolz short and cute last line didnt really fit but overall good job |
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Swottielottie
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 7:57 pm Post subject: |
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errtu2: Please don't double post, unless that was an accident, its against the rules, I think! Sorry!
This was a cute little poem and I agree that the last line should be scratched.
Not much else to say except: this would make a cool song! I can hear the song in my head already XD
#Jesse, I love you, like, whoa!#
Nice little ditty.
Charlotte |
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Sportgurl46
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| Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 12:48 am Post subject: |
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thank you guys for your suggetions
ok, so this is supposed to be a lymrick and taking out the last line would no longer make it a lymrick. it is supposed to be funny (the last line) but i guess i am the only oe who gets it because i am the one who wrote it.
oh well |
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Nolan
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| Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 3:44 am Post subject: |
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rofl.
I loved this.
I was actually playing guitar when I read this, and I unconciously turned it into a little song.
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Sportgurl46
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| Posted: Fri Aug 08, 2008 1:14 am Post subject: |
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| i wish i could hear it |
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xxfourthelement
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| Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 12:35 am Post subject: |
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Very cute. I agree that the last line needs to be changed a little - maybe "and then I would feel really low" instead?
Hehe. It totally feels like a pop song. Very adorable. |
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Chosenofair
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| Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 1:34 am Post subject: |
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| Ok, I know it's supposed to be silly, but adding the "whoa" made it seem just a touch too silly. I''m sorry to say it, but it reeks a touch of Aly and AJ. It is good, though. I can't write lymricks for crap. Just change your word choice a bit, and it would be better |
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