Topic ID: 28260
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xxfourthelement
Senior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 17 Joined: 18 Jun 2008 Posts: 105 Reviews: 16 Country: USA 300 Points
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Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 12:15 am Post subject: |
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Please?
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic34772.html
(Not your typical fantasy story. I promise.)
I will love you forever for a rip-to-shreds review! It needs a ton of work... |
_________________ "...I laugh, and laugh, and laugh. Sometimes I can stop laughing before people start edging away and talking about soothing drinks." - Lord Raould of Goldenlake and Malorie's Peak
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Conrad Rice
Clo's Girlfriend...You're Jealous. Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 13 Apr 2008 Posts: 415 Reviews: 134 Country: The Ocean 433 Points
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Palantalid
Senior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 15 Joined: 20 Aug 2007 Posts: 127 Reviews: 66 Country: East Indies(India) 300 Points
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Posted: Thu Aug 28, 2008 3:39 pm Post subject: |
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Mmmhhhmmmm.......you know I wouldn't do this to you....except that this one yeilded zero reveiws. Surprising, so I have to ask- is there something wrong in the poem or the language or is it just that I've not been reveiwing much? i wish I could do what you're doing here.......Anyways, I'll remember this:
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic35003.html
And if it makes you feel better....I went back like a stubborn child and finally made some changes in The Fosse Grim. I didn't agree with all of it though. The chat can't severe everything, I say. |
_________________ We rode on the winds of the rising storm
We ran to the sounds of the thunder
We danced among the lightning bolts
And tore the world asunder.
-from the Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan |
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SunshineOrange
Writer

 Gender:  Age: 16 Joined: 25 Aug 2008 Posts: 89 Reviews: 29 Country: Land Of The Yorkshire Pudding :D! 300 Points
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Posted: Sat Aug 30, 2008 11:12 am Post subject: |
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;o PennyPenguin! It's LizzyG!
Review maii new Action Adventure?
You're a mod now!
Naiiice. |
_________________ Ehh Maii Gawwwsh, it's GingerLizzy, on a different profile!
Got YWS? Want a review? |
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dreamintechnicolour
Writer

 Gender:  Age: 16 Joined: 08 Aug 2008 Posts: 89 Reviews: 15 Country: New Zealand 326 Points
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Posted: Sat Aug 30, 2008 12:36 pm Post subject: |
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I would greatly appreciate it if you would review 'Forget Myself' for me. Not so much on the plot itself as I know it's not the best, but more on the style, grammar, whatever else you can find etc. Thankyou!!
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic35278.html |
_________________ ...John Vesely can fall for me anyday.... |
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Gadi.
that was good ... for your age Speaker of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 15 Joined: 06 Aug 2007 Posts: 996 Reviews: 394 Country: under the covers 190 Points
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Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 2:05 am Post subject: |
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Hey! I'd like a review on a poem of mine:
We're thinking about you
Not too long. Hope you can manage!
Thanks! |
_________________ my world isn't only beautiful
it is so far away |
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PenguinAttack
I'm just a pigment of your infatuation. Speaker of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 19 Joined: 29 Jul 2007 Posts: 979 Reviews: 384 Country: Grasslands. 524 Points
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Posted: Mon Sep 08, 2008 10:08 am Post subject: |
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That's everyone covered and complete.
*Hearts* Le Penguin. |
_________________ Insomnia: He was a wonderful writer. It is perhaps unfortunate he should have met me and become my 3rd husband. I will miss him. And the printer. |
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Conrad Rice
Clo's Girlfriend...You're Jealous. Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 13 Apr 2008 Posts: 415 Reviews: 134 Country: The Ocean 433 Points
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Sureal
(i are RITER!!!) Epic Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 20 Joined: 10 Feb 2005 Posts: 3222 Reviews: 457 Country: England 548 Points
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Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 12:23 am Post subject: |
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Hey PA. =)
I'd really appreciate a critique of Chapter One of The Broken. =)
In particular I'd like to hear about pacing, and what you think about the main character (Leo), but really, any and all suggestions will be lapped up.
Thanks. ^_^ |
_________________ The Broken.
Chapter One // Chapter Two // Chapter Three // Chapter Four // Chapter Five
Since 7th Sep: 9,400 words down, only 90,600 to go! |
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PenguinAttack
I'm just a pigment of your infatuation. Speaker of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 19 Joined: 29 Jul 2007 Posts: 979 Reviews: 384 Country: Grasslands. 524 Points
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Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 3:30 pm Post subject: |
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Done and dusted, lovelies. ^^
*Hearts* Le Penguin. |
_________________ Insomnia: He was a wonderful writer. It is perhaps unfortunate he should have met me and become my 3rd husband. I will miss him. And the printer. |
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thunder_dude7
I am pure AWESOMNESS!!!111one Master of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 13 Joined: 06 Oct 2007 Posts: 1825 Reviews: 40 Country: That one on the left... 627 Points
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OverEasy
Rawr! I big scary monster! *stomp stomp stomp* Speaker of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 01 Jan 2008 Posts: 882 Reviews: 131 Country: The Lovely Hills of BubbleYum! 495 Points
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Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 10:48 pm Post subject: |
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'ello dearie!
Pretty please?
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic36165.html
Thankie
OverEasy |
_________________ "I’m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I’m out of control, and at times I’m hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst then you sure don’t deserve me at my best." -Marilyn Monroe |
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PenguinAttack
I'm just a pigment of your infatuation. Speaker of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 19 Joined: 29 Jul 2007 Posts: 979 Reviews: 384 Country: Grasslands. 524 Points
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Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 1:37 pm Post subject: |
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Done, dears. ^^
*Hearts* Le Penguin. |
_________________ Insomnia: He was a wonderful writer. It is perhaps unfortunate he should have met me and become my 3rd husband. I will miss him. And the printer. |
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XxxDo
Oh, life.. Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 16 Joined: 29 Mar 2008 Posts: 385 Reviews: 88 Country: Switzerland and The Netherlands 424 Points
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Samuel Garrison
God Save the King! Master of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 27 Joined: 27 Sep 2005 Posts: 1655 Reviews: 297 Country: Native Vermonter. 384 Points
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Posted: Mon Sep 22, 2008 7:31 pm Post subject: |
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A Shiny Reddish Colour (Second Draft)
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic36291.html
'Ello! Thanks for selling me - uh - us, your soul. There is only one spelling error but that was done on purpose. Grammar I should be able to catch on my own but if you spot any annoying commas spreading like wildfire, let me know so I can fan them out. ^ ^ I'm only curious on what the reader thinks of the plot, the character's traits, especially my MC, and I was kind of wondering what were the first thoughts that went through the reader's mind when they finished.
I just hope this draft is more concise and easier the follow than the first. Any other opinions you can think of are appreciated. Thanks! |
_________________ PM me if you have added me to a messeging service, otherwise the invitation'll be blocked.
230th F&I Commemeration; Fort Ti, 2007 |
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