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Spooner, And Other Assorted Life Partners

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	Young Writers Society Forum Index » Lyric Poetry

This thread was created on September 4, 2008

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•the weeping mother

the caring mother

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praisejoe
Junior Writer

Gender:

Age: 15
Joined: 25 Aug 2008
Posts: 34
Reviews: 22
Country: nigeria
300 Points

Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 12:11 pm Post subject: the caring mother

As the sea waves softly caress the mud- rimmed shores the ever-caring mother beholds her child an angel in the midst of turbulence she lays still praying her loved one home as the sea lays aside it's burden of day.

Shine
My life=Randomness
Speaker of the Forum

Gender:

Age: 16
Joined: 26 Dec 2005
Posts: 978
Reviews: 362
Country: India
319 Points

Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 5:40 pm Post subject:

Hey Praisejoe! First of all adding some puntuations to your work would be helpul.Due to the absence of the puntuation marks I didn't really understand the poem very clearly,if you could edit it I will be glad to get back and comment on the poem. I think the contrast of the sea waves and the mother works well. Keep posting,and sharing your works. ~Shine~
_________________ "A good plot is like a dream.If you dont write down your dream on paper the moment you wake up,the chances are you'll forget it and it'll be gone forever"-Roald Dalh.

Samsal
Junior Writer

Gender:

Age: 17
Joined: 23 May 2008
Posts: 39
Reviews: 18

625 Points

Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 7:20 pm Post subject:

not bad, though Shine is right about the punctuations.it seems to carry a sweet melody with it and it has alot of potential. great job and keep up the good work.

This thread was created on September 4, 2008	Young Writers Society Forum Index » Lyric Poetry	All times are GMT
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This thread was created on September 4, 2008

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