Topic ID: 35540
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Cobra
Earth's husk burns beneath my feet
Novelist
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Country: Land of the Dead
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 Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 3:20 pm Post subject: Life is Death |
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Life is Death
I bring with me a shroud of night,
with my departure comes the light. But one is the other, the other is one, wrong is right and right is wrong.
The sun and moon are as one breath, death is life and life is death.
The abyss from which the humans came, I see the mortals' final flame.
They always fear me, they hate me so,
They curse me when it's time to go.
When the dead know peace; the mortals cry.
The dead know that it's good to die.
All will know my scythe's sharp sting, the lowliest beggar, the mightiest king.
The final sensation, the final sight, the final ending that no creature can fight.
But death is a blessing and life is a curse;
those who prolong it will end up far worse.
When I come to them; wreathed in mist,
we are one and the same; their name on my list.
All of the living will hear my call,
For I am the Reaper; and I come to all. |
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The corpses are piled high around. Blood carpets the floor and flames scorch away the last remnants of humanity. The screams of the damned echo in my head. I smile. I am home.
Last edited by Cobra on Thu Oct 30, 2008 11:53 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Arekkusu
Junior Writer
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Country: England
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| Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 4:32 pm Post subject: |
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Wow. A great insight to death's personality. but i think the line "when the dead know peace the mortals cry" should be longer. maybe "when the dead know finally know peace, the mortals always cry". could be good though. just look further at line cylables. capiche?
-Arekkusu |
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I dont help people on work. Then, if it sucks, i don't get blamed. Haha people. Haha |
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Anna Graham
Writer
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Joined: 02 Aug 2008
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Country: "The undiscover'd country, from whose bourn no traveller returns"
329 Points
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| Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 10:33 pm Post subject: |
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Wow, this is a great piece! I couldn't write something like this if my life depended on it. You have a great rhythm going, and the rhyming doesn't sound forced. There were quite a few lines that made me think, which I love in a poem.
I especially liked this line: "All will know my scythe's sharp sting, the lowliest beggar, the mightiest king."
The problem is, I can't find anything to fix! Maybe my mind has finally been wrung out of all clear thought. Or maybe you're just a great poet. Anyway, sorry I wasn't of much help.
--Anna |
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"I like this place and willingly could waste my time in it" --As You Like It, Act 2 Scene 4 |
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Gee
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| Posted: Mon Oct 27, 2008 11:03 am Post subject: |
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wowweee! didn't know you wrote poetry!
(i can tell this is your work though because its so morbid)
But i really like this!
although i do think the line
'All will know my scythe's sharp sting, the lowliest beggar, the mightiest king. The final sensation, the final sight, the final ending that no creature can fight. But death is a blessing and life is a curse; those who prolong it will end up far worse. '
shouldn't be set out the way it is because its just a long long string of words.
set out in a paragraph, it would be more effective
but you should carry on writing scary poetry!
i mean, i hate poetry but i really liked this so please write more morbid poetry!
yay! |
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The pupil who is never required to do what he cannot do never does what he can do.
Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them as much. |
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scribblingquill
Senior Writer
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| Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2008 4:30 pm Post subject: |
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damn good boy
well done |
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i will be a hero.
Save the cheerleader, save the world. |
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Claire.young
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| Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 6:34 am Post subject: |
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really great poem! excelent rhythm and choice of words. I honestly can't find anything that needs changing!
keep writing!
claire x |
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Maki-Chan
Ganbaru! I will do my best!
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178 Points
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| Posted: Fri Nov 07, 2008 11:17 pm Post subject: |
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This was AMAZING >_< I love the way you painted with words. It was so fluent and just plain amazing. The way you made death see life was just really nice. I think this should be published. ^_^ I am sorry I just couldn't give a real decent review. 
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The sun and moon are as one breath, death is life and life is death.
The abyss from which the humans came, I see the mortals' final flame. |
Beautiful.
~BRAVO |
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The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive.
Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988), "Job", 1984
http://maki121.deviantart.com/ |
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