Topic ID: 34453
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hobbes
Writer
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314 Points
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 Posted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 5:03 am Post subject: play the match game |
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Play the match game,
you may get burnt.
Play the match game,
you may get hurt.
But if you win
it goes away
pain all gone
memories at bay
Don't play the match game,
you wander alone.
dieing slowly
becoming bone
emptiness eats you
a black pit
it's all around you
but there you sit
get up now
if your heart has a tear
play the match game
if you dare
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it makes sense to me now, but it's 1:00 AM, so I cant trust me.
--mark-- |
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if the silence takes you, then I hope it takes me too.
he who laughs last, has a slow mind. |
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clueless
Senior Writer
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409 Points
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| Posted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 4:54 pm Post subject: |
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haha i actually laughed when i read that. 
i think it's good. for being written at 1:00.
there is a drastic change from funny to deep. but good effort.
mary.  |
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I am, a flower quickly fading. Here today but gone tomorrow. A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind. Still you, hear me when I'm calling. You catch me when I'm falling. You told me who I am.
I am yours. |
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hobbes
Writer
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Age: 13
Joined: 22 Jun 2008
Posts: 54
Reviews: 60
Country: i can not say that.It would comprimise our agents in the field
314 Points
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| Posted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 5:46 pm Post subject: |
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drastic change is a good thing right? just listen to the presidential candidates, "we want change!"
"change!" "we need change"
--mark--  |
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if the silence takes you, then I hope it takes me too.
he who laughs last, has a slow mind. |
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gamechanger10
Excuse me while I kiss the sky.
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| Posted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 6:17 pm Post subject: |
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Don't make fun of Obama!
haha. Kidding.
Anyhow, this was okay, some of the lines such as "a black pit" were sort of off, but for the most part, it held a steady flow and rhythm...
You seem to always spell dying dieing...and I've only pointed that out ten million times.
Overall, nice job. |
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"The difference between the right word and almost the right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug." -Mark Twain |
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hobbes
Writer
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Age: 13
Joined: 22 Jun 2008
Posts: 54
Reviews: 60
Country: i can not say that.It would comprimise our agents in the field
314 Points
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| Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 9:44 pm Post subject: |
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| thanks |
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if the silence takes you, then I hope it takes me too.
he who laughs last, has a slow mind. |
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Krupp
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Country: Sunn O))) territory...
474 Points
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| Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 9:52 pm Post subject: |
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To be honest, I had a hard time trying to figure out what you were trying to say exactly...
Was this piece a metaphor about taking risks in life? If it wasn't, then my bad, but I'm not sure exactly what this piece is trying to do.
Otherwise, it's fine. A bit short, but then again I shouldn't complain about length. |
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I am what I am. |
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listeningforthemuse
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258 Points
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| Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 8:43 pm Post subject: |
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Ah, yes
I know well what its like to write poems at one in the morning,
and every one's like,"what?!"
But it makes perfect sense to you,
and they must all be delusional or not thinking clearly.
Anyway, I liked this poem even though it didn't quite make sense to me
(delusional or not thinking clearly?)
but the imagery and feeling was great.
I never quite figured out if the match game was a good thing or bad thing to play.
I assume bad, after finishing reading.
But keep it up!
I like your stuff. |
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"...she was a lovely lady, with a romantic mind and such a sweet mocking mouth..."
- 'Peter Pan' by J.M. Barrie |
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