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This thread was created on October 8, 2008
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Soldier at Rest
Topic ID: 37019
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errtu2
Writer
Gender: 
Age: 18
Joined: 19 May 2008
Posts: 83
Reviews: 37
Country: East of Eden
100 Points
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 Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 2:40 am Post subject: Soldier at Rest |
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A Soldier at rest
surrounded by poppies
the sun total in his eyes
playing with the sand wound around his hand
Blinks away the dust
hears people singing some false hymn of praise
closes his eyes and sings the happiest psalm
static from his radio doesn’t move him
remembers his coin collection
the one in the top drawer of
his desk in his south-west
ranch style home, the flamingoes in the front yard
Blinks again
touches the two holes in his chest
brought by pure force of welcome |
_________________
Those who control their passions do so because their passions are weak enough to be controlled.
- William Blake
Lord, grant me chastity and continence... but not yet.
St. Augustine
When all else fails, we can whip the horses eyes
Last edited by errtu2 on Mon Oct 13, 2008 6:42 pm; edited 3 times in total |
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Princess
sugar and spice
Novelist
Gender: 
Age: 13
Joined: 25 Aug 2008
Posts: 266
Reviews: 70
Country: Candyland
593 Points
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| Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 4:08 pm Post subject: |
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Wow! you certanley can go deep! this poem is filled with emotion, it brought tears to my eyes.. the only thing i can critique is that when you said people were singing, you said "Sining" it just brought on the wrong message.. But other then that, I loved it!! keep up the good work!
*Emily* |
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errtu2
Writer
Gender:
Age: 18
Joined: 19 May 2008
Posts: 83
Reviews: 37
Country: East of Eden
100 Points
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| Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 6:20 am Post subject: |
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| thanks for the review |
_________________
Those who control their passions do so because their passions are weak enough to be controlled.
- William Blake
Lord, grant me chastity and continence... but not yet.
St. Augustine
When all else fails, we can whip the horses eyes |
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| Back to top |
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esteria
Junior Writer
Gender:
Age: 19
Joined: 02 Oct 2008
Posts: 25
Reviews: 11
Country: Tanzania
300 Points
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| Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 6:14 pm Post subject: Re: Soldier at Rest |
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One of the best poems I've read so far. Great flow, quite articulate and carried some emotion. The only error I guess is the spelling of hymn of which you spelled hymm. Great work
| errtu2 wrote: |
Blinks away the dust
hears people singing some false hymm of praise
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errtu2
Writer
Gender:
Age: 18
Joined: 19 May 2008
Posts: 83
Reviews: 37
Country: East of Eden
100 Points
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| Posted: Sun Oct 19, 2008 2:03 am Post subject: |
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| Thankee kindly |
_________________
Those who control their passions do so because their passions are weak enough to be controlled.
- William Blake
Lord, grant me chastity and continence... but not yet.
St. Augustine
When all else fails, we can whip the horses eyes |
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| Back to top |
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| This thread was created on October 8, 2008 |
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