Hey there. Welcome!

So sorry to read about what happened. Although I sympathise with your loss, I agree with the other reviewers: get rid of the emotion. It's too cliched (sic). What this poem desperately needs is a good dose of IMAGERY. Explore with images. That way, you'll SHOW us your feelings, not simply spoonfeed us them (in other words, te...

Okay, hi again. This was good but I saw a couple of things that didn't make sense.

Even I couldn't see it at the start either,

That sentence doesn't sound right. Which makes it look like your pushing the rhyming.

Also, you should you stanzas and not just spacing out each line of the poem.

I liked the message you're sending and I liked ...

First and for most, I want to say welcome to the young writers society! :smt039
:backtotopic: For some odd reason, I liked and disliked this poem. I don't know why though. I guess I have to think about it more or I just need to read it again. Anyway, I hope all your future posts be great and best wishes!

Hey Alexis. Welcome to YWS. I hope to see you stick around. Aswell as being a great place to share our poetry, it's all a great place to learn how to improve. How esle would we get any better, right? This piece does seem to be for yourself. Often, I feel- that it's good to start a poem with the emotion you felt when this happened to you, but deviat...

Hello, I think this is very interesting. I'm so sorry to hear that has happened to you. I know what if feels like. The idea was brilliant and I loved it. I'm sorry I can't be much help, but this is very good.

best of luck
-Max

I am so sorry that happened to you! My school just did an activity about drunk driving, and my mom had just talked about it the night before. I also agree with some of the critiques that other people had wrote, except for one:

This, here, should be kept to yourself. Why? Because you're not writing it for the reader, you're writing it for yoursel...

Hey! Welcome to YWS.

This was a sad thing to write about, but I don't know... It just seems more personal. Which don't get me wrong, I like personal pomes, but this is a terrible accident.
Maybe add some metaphors. Make it sound more emotional.

Keep writing and once again welcome!

~Rachael

Hi there!


First I'll say welcome to YWS and that if you have any questions feel free to ask me! :)


Yes, I am going to be harsh. Forgive me now, you may hate me. First, remove the emoticon. Second, use proper capitalization of the pronoun I and of the first letters of your sentences.

The next suggestion: keep this to your journal. A lo...

Yikes!
Sorry to hear that. I haven't gone through anything like this before, but I can sympathize. That must suck.

It's a good thing you let your emotions out, but now it's time for me to review.

1. Your intro wasn't strong. It's been done, and not very attention grabbing- so to speak. Also, it seems you have some sort if rhyme scheme at the...

Wow! I really liked them! The first two were my favorites.