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Aet Lindling
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 Posted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 5:50 am Post subject: The Cra-yon Lay-onds: A Highly Experimental Piece of Writing |
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This is something... borderline insanity, very experimental... it's like modern art.
Oh yes, and Gorrath: Part 4 is almost ready.
EDIT: Okay, fixed it up as much as I could without losing the spirit. 
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The Mystical Hunt for the Lay-ond of the Cra-yons
Maps are wondrous things, thought Matt, climbing the cliffs of eternal despair. So soon, he thought, I shall arrive at the crayon land! No... Cra-yon lay-ond. Yeah.
He arrived.
"ROOOOOOAR!" roared the roaring dragon, scientific name Draco Clamarius.
Matt wasn't worried, however. He knew how to deal with such things.
"What is your test, oh dra-a-a-gon?"
"I shall seteth before ye alls threeitis cra-a-a-yons! Figure ye out which be non le poisoneeeyoooned!!!!"
The roaring dragon coughed up three crayons and spat the three slimy colored sticks of wax on to the ground.
"Now eateth one, ye punyious humanii!!!!!!"
"YAAAH INDEED! Verily I shall, slimy mongeriel!!!!..."
This was the proper way to converse with roaring dragons.
Matt looked at them. He sniffed them. They smelt horrible, all of them. But then he suddenly had an idea. The dragon was tricking him. The dragon had coughed up the crayons from its own stomach!
None of them could have poison, because the dragon would've died otherwise!
"Dragooooooon!!!!! You tricky-WICKYNESS! None be PoIsOnIi!"
"IF that ANSWER be YOURSETH, eat one RIGHT AWAY NOW!"
Matt grabbed the green one and devoured it, sure of himself and smiling with confidence, leaving the red one and the orange one.
"I sorry, HUMANII PUNYIOUS! But I immune to possssssion. that why i not DIDDIE!!!!!! When coughhhing up."
"Uh-oh..." Matt said, clutching his stomach, his smile drooping and becoming a frown.
A moment later he dropped down dead.
The roaring dragon swallowed the other two crayons, and went off to find another crayon to poison and swallow whole.
But, and listen careful-like, Matt neva woulda died 'ad 'e 'membered the most 'portant part 'bout cra-yon huntin'. When it comes down t' eating, an' ye know wun's poysuned... Always eat an orange.
ALWAYS eat an orange.
THE END
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I have a second one, but I think I'll wait to show it until I know if this is too crazy or not.
EDIT: I will.  But first, Gorrath Part 4. |
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Last edited by Aet Lindling on Mon Aug 27, 2007 8:14 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Swottielottie
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| Posted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 1:39 pm Post subject: |
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That was hillarious! Just some of the stuff the dragon said was hard to read!
And Spider pig rules!
Charlotte |
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Aet Lindling
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| Posted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 4:45 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah, I know. I'll probably make it a bit less crazy, this is its unedited form from a joke-ish thing on other forums.
And Spider-Pig is amazingly great. And adorable, too. |
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"His skin literally sparkled, like thousands of tiny diamonds were embedded in the surface. He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare."
'Nuff said, amirite? |
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TL G-Wooster
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| Posted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 7:48 pm Post subject: |
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*blinks*
*stares*
*snorts*
ROFL!
Very funny, but the bits wHerE yOu MIx Up YoUR cApiTaLS and stuff makes it a bit tricky to understand. |
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Aet Lindling
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| Posted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 8:09 pm Post subject: |
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| Yeah, I'll fix that now. |
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"His skin literally sparkled, like thousands of tiny diamonds were embedded in the surface. He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare."
'Nuff said, amirite? |
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sokool15
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| Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 9:03 pm Post subject: |
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This was funny, but seemed a bit...er...silly, for my taste. Some of the parts where you sort of make an 'aside' to the reader:
| Quote: |
| This was the proper way to converse with roaring dragons. |
This kind of put me off. It was too - I don't know. Hard to explain, but children's-bookish. Unless, of course, that's what you meant it to be.
I can't critique your sense of humor, I guess,  so as a piece, I'll say overall it was good. It mildly amused me, but I have a strange sense of humor, so...anyway, I take it all grammar and mis-spellings were on purpose...?
| Quote: |
| that why i not DIDDIE |
that = that's? and DIDDIE = DDDIE? Right?
What was with the capitilization? It was all messed up, but it did kind of fit in with the whole tone and feel of the piece, so I guess it's okay to leave it.
| Quote: |
Maps are wondrous things, thought Matt, climbing the cliffs of eternal despair. So soon, he thought, I shall arrive at the crayon land! No... Cra-yon lay-ond. Yeah.
He arrived. |
LOL. I love the random "Maps are wondrous things" at the beginning...and it never comes back into the story. And: "he arrived." Hilarious. So abrupt and...er...bad...it was hilarious.
Anyway, so good job, and I'll probably read the next one if you post another one.
~Madame Kool
P.S. I love the pronunciation guide: Cray-on La-yond |
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Aet Lindling
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| Posted: Wed Aug 29, 2007 6:56 am Post subject: |
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"Unless, of course, that's what you meant it to be."
Yes, I did. Sort of a story-teller narration.
"that = that's? and DIDDIE = DDDIE? Right?"
Yup. I did "that" on purpose, and DIDDIE happened by accident, and I kept it because it had a weird grammar that fit with the tone. "that why i did not/not did die"
"What was with the capitilization?"
This was not very prepared for YWS. It was meant to be as insane as possible when it was first posted elsewhere. So, THisiSI IS What HAPPENS, BELIEVEIT. :p
"LOL. I love the random "Maps are wondrous things" at the beginning...and it never comes back into the story. And: "he arrived." Hilarious. So abrupt and...er...bad...it was hilarious."
Yes... that was actually because I was writing something with the restraint "begins with Maps are wondrous things, and ends with Always eat an orange". And yes, I am aware that that is poor use of a fragment. Why d'ya think I used it?
"Anyway, so good job, and I'll probably read the next one if you post another one."
Yay, thanks! There is another one, but as I said, I am first going to finish part 4 of my current story.
"P.S. I love the pronunciation guide: Cray-on La-yond"
Dunno where I came up with that. Happy I did, though! |
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"His skin literally sparkled, like thousands of tiny diamonds were embedded in the surface. He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare."
'Nuff said, amirite? |
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Squall
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| Posted: Wed Aug 29, 2007 8:07 am Post subject: |
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Lol funny, yet random concept. The idea can work but only if you show more rather than tell. Don't tell the reader on what is happening. Show us so that we can relate to the story. I think your main character could had more depth added to him, I just didn't find him realistic. Same for the crayon dragon.
Also, work on your dialogue. It doesn't seem to reflect any personalities.
P.S: Don't use caps! It burns eyes. |
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PenguinAttack
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| Posted: Wed Aug 29, 2007 2:37 pm Post subject: |
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I just LOL'd like I have never LOL'd before! Fantastic, really. I was reading with my brother beside me and we both started laughing at the same time.
I think everything you did for this was absolutely wonderful and I found no problems with it what so ever, unless of course the fact that I didn't write it is a problem...for you I do not think so.
Thankyou, thankyou very much I really honestly enjoyed that the most out of anything I have read recently. Congrats and Kudos.
Le Penguin *hearts* YOOH! |
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iQuippie
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| Posted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 12:04 am Post subject: Re: The Cra-yon Lay-onds: A Highly Experimental Piece of Wri |
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OMG AET YOU ARE A GENIUS!! lol, either that or you were on some serious drugs when you wrote this... I VOTE GENIUS! xD I am so glad I read this.
My favorite parts are as follows:
| AetLindling wrote: |
| Maps are wondrous things, thought Matt, climbing the cliffs of eternal despair. So soon, he thought, I shall arrive at the crayon land! No... Cra-yon lay-ond. Yeah. |
and
| Quote: |
| "Dragooooooon!!!!! You tricky-WICKYNESS! None be PoIsOnIi!" |
oh yeah, and at the end. The orange thing was so random/genius.
so yeah. Amazing |
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Aet Lindling
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| Posted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 12:57 am Post subject: Re: The Cra-yon Lay-onds: A Highly Experimental Piece of Wri |
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| Squallz wrote: |
Lol funny, yet random concept. The idea can work but only if you show more rather than tell. Don't tell the reader on what is happening. Show us so that we can relate to the story. I think your main character could had more depth added to him, I just didn't find him realistic. Same for the crayon dragon.
Also, work on your dialogue. It doesn't seem to reflect any personalities.
P.S: Don't use caps! It burns eyes. |
It seems you're a minority, but you make good points. Despite the fact that in that sort of piece, it doesn't really matter whether or not you do it one way or another, differing versions of (still crazy  ) dialogue would be good, and etc.
| PenguinAttack wrote: |
I just LOL'd like I have never LOL'd before! Fantastic, really. I was reading with my brother beside me and we both started laughing at the same time.
I think everything you did for this was absolutely wonderful and I found no problems with it what so ever, unless of course the fact that I didn't write it is a problem...for you I do not think so.
Thankyou, thankyou very much I really honestly enjoyed that the most out of anything I have read recently. Congrats and Kudos.
Le Penguin *hearts* YOOH! |
Heh, thanks! I guess it's kind of been decided for me whether or not I'm posting the sequel... lol.
| iQuippie wrote: |
OMG AET YOU ARE A GENIUS!! lol, either that or you were on some serious drugs when you wrote this... I VOTE GENIUS! xD I am so glad I read this.
My favorite parts are as follows:
| AetLindling wrote: |
| Maps are wondrous things, thought Matt, climbing the cliffs of eternal despair. So soon, he thought, I shall arrive at the crayon land! No... Cra-yon lay-ond. Yeah. |
and
| Quote: |
| "Dragooooooon!!!!! You tricky-WICKYNESS! None be PoIsOnIi!" |
oh yeah, and at the end. The orange thing was so random/genius.
so yeah. Amazing |
Thankesss, you COmplmentierness!!! |
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"His skin literally sparkled, like thousands of tiny diamonds were embedded in the surface. He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare."
'Nuff said, amirite? |
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Sumi H. Inkblot
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| Posted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 1:43 am Post subject: |
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:shakes head: You're tempting me to put up my own pieces of crap Writing Challenge stuff, Aet, and frankly it's disturbing me. ^_~
By the way, he's totally on crack. He can hang out with me, and that takes serious drugs. 
My comment on the story is -randomness! If it weren't for the fact I read it on the other forums, I would probably be ROFLOFLing like the rest of the folks in this thread. That, and I understood what the prompting for it was. >_>U
Also, in usual foil to someone else's views, I'd keep the capital letters. It just emphasizes the Jabberwocky feel of the entire thing.
Overall, Aet, I'd say this ranks beside "Eat Your Mushrooms!" on the level of crack writings. XD |
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iQuippie
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| Posted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 2:28 am Post subject: |
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| ^_^ if crack makes him this good of a writer, I'm tempted to say "Buy more". rotfl |
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Aet Lindling
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| Posted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 5:09 pm Post subject: |
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| Yeah... someone loan me a few? *looks around desperately* Look, I'm coming into some money real soon. I can pay you back, I swear. |
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"His skin literally sparkled, like thousands of tiny diamonds were embedded in the surface. He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare."
'Nuff said, amirite? |
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little.angelfire
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| Posted: Fri Jan 04, 2008 8:31 pm Post subject: |
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Oh my god!! XD
I was just flipping through your prtofollio because I realized i'd never read any of your works before. I swear you had to have been under the influence to write this XD
I mean...Holy crap kid!!!! How did you even think of this?? XD XD
This really improved my day. I'll have to look at the rest of them XD XD
--meow |
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