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A Flawed Paradise
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 Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 1:44 am Post subject: The Perfect 23 |
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Hey there YWS! I’m here because I have this novel that I’ve just begun working on. My first, actually, since I usually write short stories, but, even so, it already seems like a massive undertaking. I think its brilliant story and I’m confident in my ability to finish it. However, I’m not extremely confident is it’s really something you, the public, would look forward, and enjoy reading. That being said, I thought I would post a gist of the story and let you guys give me feedback.
So here is goes, The Perfect 23:
The Perfect 23 is a story which I have yet managed to place under a particular genre so you guys tell me where you think it should fit.
I begin by introducing the organization known as The Perfect 23 (Shocker, huh?). Lead by, codename, Mother they are under the belief that they alone are perfect in the modern world. The world, to them, is tainted, corrupt, and a self-mutilating place. As such, it is now their duty to reach what they call Paradise, Eden, or, sometimes, the New World. But, whatever they might call it, it is certain by which means they are ready to obtain it. It’s a simple matter of exterminating the world of it’s undesirables and beginning anew. A utopia, if you will. It is, of course, no easy task, but then again, they are without flaw.
So yeah, in simple terms, they are a group bent on destroying the world. It’s purposely a clichéd idea, but I want to make it so that as you read you find it to be extremely original. Just some quick facts:
Mother is a genetic scientist, a genius in her own right. This explains how the other members of The Perfect 23 are embedded with the Expletus Gene (Literally Perfect Gene in Latin), making them somewhat superhuman, and also enabling me to answer other Perfect 23 fantasy. Her past will also be a mystery throughout the story, revealing bits and pieces as it goes on. Again, I’m following my cliché, but not so much, format, giving my take on the Mad Scientist archetype.
The story as will be told from the viewpoint of, codename, Saladin, second in command of the Perfect 23. He is a very stoic figure, but curious, and doubtful of “the cause“. With him, the reader will feel more at home, reflecting their own obvious apprehensions with him. I’m sure he’ll be a very dynamic character in the story. There will also be some shifts of perspective once in a while, lasting no more than a chapter. The MC is defiantly Saladin.
Of course, the mentality of the story is radical. I plan to do this on purpose, as well make each character as radical and unbelievable as possible. I will do this because their story isn’t suppose to be taken seriously, rather, I want to reflect obvious flaws with society but how rather than “change the world”, though important, we should focus on changing ourselves. In fact, the characters will be quirky and very, very amusing and diverse.
Plot wise: I will begin by a brief introduction of the 23. Perhaps a simple scene that happens to mention all of them as well a little bit of background, but nothing to forced and nothing too deep. Then I will make them do something that will, purposely, make the reader sick of them, make them see them as hideous psychopaths of some sort. Then, an in depth look at the characters, a slow and steady arch where I make the reader steadily trust and become fond of them, revealing their pasts and motives. This will be the majority of the book. Then, once again, a snap back to reality where the reader realizes that The Perfect 23 are still in the wrong, even if their motives and background are now justified.
It is here when we finally get some sort of climatic events. Mother discovers a virus that might just help them reach their New World. Accordingly, The Perfect 23 infiltrate some sort of Corporation (I haven’t thought of the exact details here but think Umbrella from Resident Evil) and steal the virus. It is here that a true antagonist rises rather than being internal conflicts between the characters and the reader. The Corporation is revealed to be extremely powerful and the CEO seems to have ties with Mother, to tie things up nicely. With this in mind the Corp. begins to hunt down the 23, as they stole their virus, and at some point, the climax, retrieves both the virus and the Expletus Gene. Not wanting world destruction, but world domination, the tables are turned and it now becomes the job of the Perfect 23, in particular Saladin, to bring them down, in the end having to rethink if it's really their call to end the world.
And there you have. I know I was not very detailed, but that's simply because I myself don’t have it all together. I had this idea about a week ago, so give me break! Anyways, ask me questions, comment, or tell me it’s an horrible story. Thanks in advanced! |
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Our world is a flawed paradise, filled with flawed perfection, and created by a flawed, omniscient creator. So what chance do we have of creating flawless art?
Last edited by A Flawed Paradise on Sat Aug 16, 2008 1:24 am; edited 1 time in total |
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A Flawed Paradise
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| Posted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 7:27 pm Post subject: |
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| Bump? *Is shot* xp |
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romance otaku
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A Flawed Paradise
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| Posted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 9:42 pm Post subject: |
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| Lol, I didn't realize what a 'Hammuh' was until I saw the picture. Thanks...I think. And yeah, I'm trying to get that first chapter done, but I'm focusing all my energy into character development by using skeletons, conflict charts, and all that jazz. It is gonna be a character driven story so its very important that I understand each and every character accordingly. Or do you guys think that's just wasting my time? |
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romance otaku
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| Posted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 1:30 pm Post subject: |
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| i write on a notebook, then i type it (i add a buch of detales when i type it. sometimes whole scenes), then i print it, then i read over it and use a pen to change stuff and add things that i thought would add more to the story (descibing things, characters, rewriting lines to fit a personality more, ect). so, if you are doing your final draft and not editing it, your not wasteing your time, but if your gunna edit it a few times, then you may be wasting your time |
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A Flawed Paradise
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| Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 1:15 am Post subject: |
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| I see. Well thanks for the feedback! |
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cammie4
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| Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 4:33 am Post subject: |
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I am really, really liking this idea. The only thing I would be careful with is that for the time in which you are studying the characters because if you have no conflict it can become boring and readers will stop reading. But I really do love this idea and I think it has some serious potential.
And I don't think you are wasting your time developing your characters, because if it is a character-driven story, then understanding the characters is very important. However, everyone is different, so if you feel like you're forcing it or something, then maybe try another technique which feels more natural to you.
Good luck with the story, it sounds really great!! |
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A Flawed Paradise
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| Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 9:03 pm Post subject: |
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See, that was one of my first concerns: During the period between the hideous crime, where the reader becomes appalled the organization, to the introduction of the powerful antagonist Corporation, where I plan to really get in depth with the members of the Perfect 23, how would I keep my reader occupied? I had two ideas:
One being that this "arch" would not be told chronologically, instead be made in a diary format where each chapter would take place at different places and time, telling what happened in that particular time period. A mini-story, if you will, in which I could both have a small plot, keeping the reader entertained, and reveal more information on the characters motives, personality, and justifications.
e.g. Chapter 3: The Time When They Robbed a Bank
Here, I would write about, obviously, when robbed a bank keeping the story entertaining and revealing that Character A does not like Object B because so and so happened in his/her past life. Character B however has to problem with Object B because so and so happened in his/her past and he rather relishes Object B. All this can be subtle in an elaborate and entertaining telling of the planning, heist, and escape of the bank robbery.
Then it'll be something like Chapter 4: The Time When They Assassinated the Prime Minister.
That's one route but, with this, I leave a lot of room for confusion, and then the possible problem of not being able to get the reader back into a chronological mind set when I get to the climatic events.
Another idea I thought of was doing something where I, after the hideous crime, have complete chapters devoted to each member, in which I tell their in depth story, from the time they were born to the time they joined The Perfect 23, to some of their more entertaining tales while in the organization. These Bio-chapters would be told from the perspective of the person.
e.g. Chapter Three: Saladin
There would be a couple of problems with this as well though. One being that the reader would get tired of reading 23 biographies, no matter how intersecting they are and, also, it seems like a big toll on myself to write 23 of them.
Or, then again, I can bin the arch and just go straight to the introduction of the cooperation, but then there be no sense of connection between the reader and the hardships introduced to the characters.
Can anybody think of other things that can occupy the arch?
So yeah, I'm working on it. But thanks! I'm glad you like it. |
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Sakah
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| Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 2:07 am Post subject: |
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Goodness gracious, that sounds like quite a brilliant book you're writing/thinking about!
I would absolutely love to read it when you've posted a prolougue or a chapter ^-^
Good luck with writing your book, the plot sounds fantastic so far (I didn't like The Giver, but The Perfect 23 sounds a lot more interesting and a little abstract in my mind.) |
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A Flawed Paradise
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| Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 2:35 am Post subject: |
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Gee thanks. That's 2/2 people that like the idea so far. I'm working on chapter one as we speak, but, like I said, I'm focusing more on the characters for now. Not sure if I want a prologue or not, but maybe later on I'll write one, it should have some purpose other than just being there, right?
On a side note, almost everyone I've told this idea to seems to compare it to The Giver. I, personally, have never read it but it's my impression its about some sort of Utopian society, correct? I've also have heard mixed reviews about it so I'm not entirely sure that the comparison is a compliment or not (Obvioulsly from Sakah, it is. Tanks again). Anyways, I think I'll have to pick it up an read it since it seems to come to everyone's mind when I talk about The Perfect 23, for research purposes. |
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cammie4
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| Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 2:51 am Post subject: |
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I think what you can do instead of doing 23 biographies is to pick just a few main characters that are most involved in the story, and write their biographies. You can explore the less important characters through conversation and stuff, or just do a mini-bio. Whatever floats your boat. 
Something else you can probably do is just do that same diary-type thing you were talking about, I'm guessing they're like mini-stories, but you can still have it in chronological order and do it up until the point where the external conflict begins so that you won't have that problem with switching gears later.
Hope I've been a help! |
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A Flawed Paradise
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| Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 2:18 pm Post subject: |
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Now I fee like those were the obvious choices ._. But I guess sometimes you need an outside force to point out the obvious. But yeah, those do seem like more sensible options. Thanks, they were very helpful.
Edit: Oh wait, this just occurred to me, what if I used a combination of the two. Mini-story, then a flashback to one of the members bio, mini-story, flashback, mini-story, all until I have a nice understanding with the reader and then bust out the external conflict? |
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Bella
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| Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 9:09 pm Post subject: |
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I'm gonna say the genre would be Science Fiction, I think.
I think the plot idea is really great - definitely something thought provoking. I'm curious to read some, once you get some done.
Sorry I don't have more to say...
Good job and good luck!
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A Flawed Paradise
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| Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 12:25 am Post subject: |
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| Thanks! I love that everyone is digging this story. Gives me more reasons to actually write it! =P Keep coming with the input! |
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A Flawed Paradise
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| Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 10:42 pm Post subject: |
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I just wanted to share the character skeletons I'm using for these guys. I've completely finished three of these for some of the really minor members, but I can't seem to complete one for some of the more important ones. I'll get there. though. Tell me what you think.
| Quote: |
[NAME]
=========-
INTRODUCTION
FULL NAME:
NICKNAME:
NAME MEANING AND SIGNIFICANCE:
OBVIOUS BLESSING:
PERCEIVED STRENGTH:
OBVIOUS FLAW:
GREATEST WEAKNESS:
CAUSE OF WEAKNESSES:
PHYSICAL TRAITS
AGE:
SEX:
HEIGHT:
WEIGHT:
EYE COLOR:
HAIR COLOR:
MOST DISTINGUISHING FEATURE:
HANDEDNESS:
HAND SIZE:
CLOTHING WORN:
VOCAL TONE:
HEALTH:
HISTORY
HOMELAND:
STATUS:
OPINIONS OF HOMELAND:
HOMETOWN:
REASONS FOR JOINING THE PERFECT 23:
WHAT HE/SHE TELLS PEOPLE:
SECRETS:
HOW FAR HE/SHE WOULD GO TO KEEP HIS/HER SECRETS:
WHAT HE/SHE FEARS WOULD HAPPEN IF THE TRUTH WAS KNOWN:
ABILITIES:
AFFECT OF ABILITIES ON HIS/HER LIFE:
JUSTIFICATION FOR VIEWS:
TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCES IN EARLY YEARS:
DEFINING MOMENT IN CHILDHOOD:
DESCRIPTION OF CHILDHOOD:
CHILDHOOD FRIENDS:
STUPID THINGS HE/SHE DID WHEN HE/SHE WAS YOUNG:
CONFLICTS THAT MAY ARISE FROM THE PAST:
CRIMINAL RECORD:
FAMILY
MOTHER:
FATHER:
STANDING IN THE COMMUNITY:
MOTHER'S OCCUPATION:
FATHER'S OCCUPATION:
RELATIONSHIP WITH PARENTS
SIBLINGS:
RELATIONSHIP WITH SIBLINGS:
BIRTH POSITION:
DESCRIPTION OF FAMILY LIFE:
RELATIONSHIPS
CLOSE FRIENDS:
HISTORY WITH [NAME]:
HISTORY WITH [NAME]:
ENEMIES:
IMPORTANT CONTACTS:
PAST SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS:
HOW HE/SHE THINKS OTHERS PERCEIVE HIM/HER:
MOST TRUSTED ALLY:
MOST DESPISED ENEMY:
SEVEN THINGS HE/SHE HATES IN OTHERS:
WHAT HE/SHE WOULD DIE FOR:
WHO HE/SHE WOULD GO TO EXTREMES FOR:
WHO HE/SHE TURNS TO WHEN HE/SHE IS IN TROUBLE:
WORST THING SOMEONE HAS DONE TO HIM/HER:
HOW HE/SHE CAN BE BLACKMAILED, TRICKED, OR BEATEN:
WHO WOULD MISS HIM/HER:
CURRENT STATUS WITH LOCAL LAW ENFORCEMENT:
PERSONALITY
ROLE MODELS:
MOTIVATION FOR REMAINING IN THE PERFECT 23:
WHAT WOULD MAKE HIM/HER QUIT:
DREAMS // AMBITIONS:
GREAT RATIONAL // IRRATIONAL FEARS:
ORIGIN OF FEARS:
WHAT IT WOULD TAKE TO OVERCOME HIS/HER FEARS:
SHORT TERM GOALS:
LONG TERM GOALS:
ATTITUDE TOWARDS MATERIAL WEALTH:
HOW HE/SHE GENERALLY TREATS OTHERS:
HABITS HE/SHE FINDS MOST ANNOYING IN FRIENDS:
PREJUDICES:
MOST ANNOYING HABITS:
FAVORITE FOOD // DRINK // TREAT:
FAVORITE COLOR:
FAVORITE SCENT:
FAVORITE ANIMALS:
ENRAGED BY:
EMBARRASSED BY:
VIEWS ON KILLING:
WHAT HE/SHE CONSIDERS THE WORST CRIME:
UNUSUAL HABITS // DOMINANT PERSONALITY TRAITS:
ACCENT:
MOST TREASURED POSSESSION:
THINGS SHE COULD NOT LIVE WITHOUT:
GOOD LUCK CHARM:
5 THINGS SHE WOULD DO IF HER LIFE WERE TO END IN 24 HOURS:
TYPICAL DREAM:
TYPICAL NIGHTMARE:
CAREER // TRAINING
EDUCATION:
TYPE OF STUDENT:
HOW SKILLS WERE ACQUIRED:
REASONS FOR CHOICE OF PROFESSION:
HOW HE/SHE FUNCTIONS IN COMBAT:
HOW HE/SHE WOULD BE BEST DEFEATED:
HONORS // AWARDS:
WHAT HE/SHE WISHES HE/SHE KNEW:
LIFESTYLE // HOBBIES
THINGS HE/SHE DOES FOR TO RELAX:
THINGS HE/SHE DOES FOR ENJOYMENT:
WHERE HE/SHE HIDES THINGS:
MORNING // EVENING ROUTINES:
REGULAR PASTIMES:
STYLE:
HIS/HER IDEA OF A GOOD EVENING'S ENTERTAINMENT:
HANGOUT PLACES:
WHAT SHE READS:
HIS/HER PETS:
HIS/HER WILL:
HIS/HER ROOM:
MISCELLANEOUS
WHAT SHE WOULD LIKE TO BE REMEMBERED FOR AFTER DEATH:
NOTES ON THIS CHARACTER:
LIFE AND TIMES // IN DEPTH BIOGRAPHY: |
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