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Jiggity
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 Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 12:05 pm Post subject: Shadow of the Sun |
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This is a young adults novel and my first attempt at anything of length. I don't plan or structure things - I write as I go and this is the first draft so I am fully aware that it is nowhere near publishable and that it has leagues to go - I'm only four chapters in, but I'm enjoying it as I go.
Hope I can get some extended help here, as I seem have to trouble these days finding it in the other forums.
Cheers |
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Krupp
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 3:09 pm Post subject: |
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| I'll post a critique when I've finished.. |
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Krupp
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 3:46 pm Post subject: |
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I will say one thing about this story...it certainly draws you in...I'm really liking the characters so far, and the story itself is one that really has a unique feel to it; I'm really satisfied with it so far.
I haven't seen anything that really needs any fixing; sorry. If I do, I'll let you know in the future. |
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Jiggity
The Sinister Jigster
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| Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 3:11 am Post subject: |
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Awesome - thanks for even reading it xD.
It hasn't got much attention thus far, in the other forums - mainly I think because of its length and because the Fantasy Forum is constantly flooded with new stories/chapters so it never stayed on the front page long enough.
But thanks again! |
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sworddance
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| Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 1:43 am Post subject: |
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Hey jig--just letting you know, I downloaded this out of curiosity and I'm liking it so far, enough to switch on 'track changes' and slowly go through it for you =P I'll upload the edited version as soon as I finish, though be warned it's somewhat slow going right now because I'm in the family room and all five dogs have decided it's time to play as loudly and rambunctiously as earthly possible.... add to that noise the machine gun sounds coming from my bro's video game, and you'll understand why concentration is a bit lacking here. XD Be back later tonight with the finished review, though--ta!
edit, a few hours later:
annnddd I'm back! *long pause as sworddance gets her ass kicked by the downloady thingy...*
here you are XD as I say in the document, let me know when more of it comes out, and feel free to ask if you have any questions/argue if you happen to disagree with any of it/open any of my statements to debate if you so wish. |
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Jiggity
The Sinister Jigster
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| Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 7:45 am Post subject: |
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Hey SD, what's going on? Thanks for the review! To be honest, that whole 'track changes' thing just confused the hell out of me and I skipped to the end to see your comment. In future, just edit away - I have my own, untouched version of course, so I'll be able to see what additions/deletions you made and judge them on their merit, in terms of flow and such. As it is, I was just confused.
So, in regards to the story in general - I have a fair idea of the world and the plot, but the characters - aside from Sunestraka and Alistair, are pretty much developing as I write. This is my first attempt at a novel (I'm a short story writer predominantly) and from the outset I've been aware that its probably not going to be up to par - I'm struggling to continue it, as it stands its a first draft but the second draft has begun to emerge in my head and I realise now how much has to change.
So, I'm kinda wondering whether to begin again, or to just get all the crap out, and finish the entire story before going back and changing it.
Thank you very much for your comments and for taking the time to read it.
More importantly, I'm glad you enjoyed it. |
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sworddance
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| Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 8:02 am Post subject: |
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haha sorry if the track changes confused you--advanced critique rules told me I could use it and I'm a complete addict to that function XD Basically just right click on the red letters and choose accept or reject, though I definitely understand the point of view that the whole thing is more trouble than it's worth as that view has caused more than one person to throw papers and textbooks at me =P
But yeah, what you said about beginning new drafts and whatnot--I know what you mean, as I personally in the past have begun to rewrite my only novel-in-progress twice already, without finishing either draft and with the intent to do so again, but that was a result of my writing making drastic leaps of improvement as I grew from 13 years old to 19 XD So right now I'm just working on short stories of the same setting and characters to flesh out both those things and improve my writing before I go back and tackle the novel again.
That ramble aside, I personally enjoyed the story a lot; my advice if it were a short story would be to finish it and then write the second draft, but novels.... they're too bloody long for that sort of thing, so it's something you'd have to weigh in your mind--would you rather rewrite what you have and continue, or would it be worth it to finish before rewriting? Based solely on the fact that the amount you've written so far is still within the short story range, I'd say if you have drastic changes you want to make which would affect the outcome of the plot and yadda yadda, it might be worth it to begin your second draft now.
...even if that means I'd have to wait a long time for the rest ='(
eh, ah well... my rambles can't really help you with that question XD |
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Drummer, beat, and dancer, fly
The floods of war are crashing nigh
Raise the mountain, blade the fire
And woe to they who voked your ire…
-----People do speak in semicolons; they just don't know it.------ |
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Jamie_rocks
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| Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 5:07 am Post subject: |
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| Okay, I really liked this story. I like to consider myself a fairly harsh critiquer, and I checked as best I could, but couldn't find anything majorly wrong, other than the little changes I added here and there. I think when you're done with this you should look into publication for it, so long as your plot stays as unique as it is now. |
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Jiggity
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| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 5:19 am Post subject: |
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Hey! Thanks for the crit, much appreciated. I am definetly looking to finish and publish this, though when that happens, I think it will be a lot different to what I've put up here. I've stopped writing it temporarily while the changes take shape in my head.
Will be revising it.
Cheers! |
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