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Playing The Field - Chapter 8
Playing The Field - Chapter 8

by Meep(: in Romantic Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Action/Adventure Fiction

This thread was created on September 2, 2008
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Never Found Chapter One
Never Found Chapter Three

Never Found Chapter Two

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shadowed_mist   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 8:56 pm    Post subject: Never Found Chapter Two Reply with quote

Chapter Two

Arilia screamed in horror and Leo dodged out of the way. Arilia fell off of his back, rolling onto her back. Her eyes fluttered close, and she lay there limply, hoping for unconsciousness. Fierce snarling and roars rang in her ears. “Why are you attacking me?” Leo spat. “You aren’t supposed to be on our territory, Leo. You know that. You might be a human changeling, but you cannot be on our territory.” A deep voice snarled angrily. “I was coming to ask a favor of you, Morro.” Leo said.

Marro, the black leopard let out a vicious growl and there was another round of hissing and roars. “How dare you ask a favor of us?!” Marro roared angrily. Leo replied, “See the human female? She needs to stay somewhere safe until we can get her home.” He was losing the fight. There was silence. “If we take her, will you leave us alone?” Marro asked darkly.

“Yes.” Leo said, relief hidden in his voice.

Arilia slowly opened her eyes, afraid of what she would see. She pushed herself up and looked into the darkness. Leo was standing there with a bloody front paw lifted off the ground. He had a big scratch on his nose and clumps of fur had been bitten off.

Leo shook his mane out and dirt went flying. Arilia sat up, tucking her legs under her again.

Morro had barely any wounds, but there was a deep scratch down his flank. The crimson blood showed brightly against his black coat. Arilia gulped nervously. Morro walked over to her and gave her a cautious sniff. Morro turned to Leo and nodded his head. Leo nodded his and then limped over to Arilia.

“I can’t stay here. The Night Leopards are going to care for you now. We’ll see each other at the next Assembly.” Leo said gently, butting his huge head against her. Arilia stared at him in horror. He was leaving her? “You’ll be fine,” Leo insisted, seeing her expression. He then turned to Morro and said, “She’s still a little shaky. She may need help walking back to camp.” Morro glared at Leo, but nodded his big head. Leo limped away slowly, letting out small pants.

Morro turned his eyes on Arilia. She sat there, trembling under the big cat’s amber gaze. “Come on. Get up.” Morro growled. Arilia scrambled to her feet. Morro stalked away. Arilia followed uncertainly. She couldn’t see that well, and Morro’s black coat didn’t help much. Morro led Arilia through the forest. She lost sight of Morro at least ten times. Each time, Morro would turn around and stare at her, his amber eyes glowing. Arilia would run forward and stay close on his tail. Arilia felt about ready to collapse when they suddenly entered a heavily wooded area. The trees had become large. They were tall and so wide that Arilia didn’t think she could even fit a sixteen foot rope around the entire thing!

Morro scrambled under a hole in one of the big trees roots and disappeared. Arilia uncertainly looked down the dark hole, then sat down and slid in feet first. She fell about three feet before she landed with a clumsy thud on her butt. Morro was sitting there, his amber eyes glaring at her, his tail wrapped around his paws. Arilia scrambled to her feet shakily. She brushed her dress off. Her hair looked like moonlight in the faint light.

Morro turned and walked down through the tunnel. They walked again for a long time. Arilia was getting tired. Suddenly, they entered a huge cavern. There were smaller tunnels that led off of the cavern, but the cavern was obviously the main place. A bunch of black leopards were lounging around, play fighting, surrounding dead meat that lay in piles around the place. They all looked up when Morro entered and they all fell silent immediatly. Arilia followed nervously, her whole body trembling. Two old cats came up and Morro halted. Arilia stopped at his side.

“Morro, I am surprised. You took in the human female?” One of the cats asked. “Shagro, I beg of you to listen. Leo came into our territory with this human and asked if we could care for her until they found her home.” Morro said.

Shagro stared at Arilia, surveying her. Arilia looked down, blushing. Shagro suddenly back away, looking shocked. “That amulet…” He gasped.

Arilia looked down at her chest, and for the first time she noticed a amulet hanging around her neck. She picked it up. It fit perfectly in her hand. It was a circle of ivory with a carving in the middle of it. It showed a white tiger with wings on it.

“The sign of the Angel Cats!” Everyone let out a gasp. There were murmurs of Angel Cats and the legendary snow leopard, their guardian. Morro looked at Arilia in amazement. “What are the Angel Cats?” Arilia asked. Everyone stared at her. “She is obviously one of them. She must have been sent here to fix something. She is, after all, the tiger’s guardian.” Shagro said in amazement.

“What of her memory?” Morro asked. “She must have lost it. Tomorrow, we will send her to the Sunset Tigers. Morro, you will take her. It is a long way, so you may as well take Rao as your Assistant."

There was a yowl of protest from the crowd. A female black leopard came bounding up to Shagro. “Shagro, Rao has just healed. Are you sure you want to send him on another mission?” The female asked, her face etched in worry, even though she was a black leopard. “Lilka, I promise you, Rao will not come to any trouble. He needs a bit of training after the long rest he had. This won’t be hard at all. I doubt anyone will attack the Tiger Guardian.” Shagro said to Lilka softly. Lilka backed down, creeping back into the sea of black.

Shagro turned to Arilia. “Guardian, all we be explained. First, we must find you a place to rest. It might be more comfortable if you slide.” Shagro said to Arilia. Arilia looked at him in confusion. “I don’t know how to.” She confessed. Shagro sighed heavily. “Morro, show her to the cotton chambers.” Morro looked at him in disbelief. “But those chambers are saved for the snow leopard!” Morro insisted. “The Tiger Guardian will sleep in there for now. Her sisters will not mind her sleeping in comfort.” Shagro said. Morro let out a low growl and then slunk off to one of the tunnels.

Arilia followed, not sure what was going on. They walked through the sea of black leopards. One young male sat there, looking at Arilia with hungry eyes. Arilia shivered. Morro turned his head to glare at the young male. “Rao, you will be escorting her tomorrow evening. Get used to her. Come with us.” Morro growled.

Rao stood and slunk up behind Arilia. Arilia tensed up, feeling surrounded. Rao let out a soft purr. Arilia supposed it was meant as a quiet laugh. Morro disappeared into a dark tunnel. Arilia followed him. She was getting tired of winding in and out of tunnels and trees. She felt faint. She closed her eyes for a moment, stopping. She took in a deep breath and opened her eyes. Morro was looking at her.

“Sorry,” She mumbled, walking forward again. They entered another big cavern. It wasn’t nearly as big as the other cavern, but it was still pretty big. White cotton was lying all over the place. Then there was one big pile of cotton that looked like a nest. There was warmth in the room, almost like a heater was on. Arilia’s eyelids drooped.

“You can go and rest if you like. I’ll bring you some fresh kill.” Morro suggested. Arilia’s eyes snapped open and she mumbled, “That sounds nice.” Truthfully, the thought of food in her stomach appealed to her, even if it was raw meat. Morro bounded off. Arilia cautiously climbed up the ledges and sat on the big bed of cotton. She tucked her legs under her. Rao was sitting down, looking at her with his amber eyes. Arilia stared at him for a moment. Rao stood and bounded onto the ledges and then over to her. He sat next to her, curling his tail around his paws.

“So you’re a guardian?” He asked. Arilia shrugged. “I guess. I don’t remember anything before the numbness.” Arilia said softly. It felt so awful to have people guess who you were, and not be able to name yourself. “What’s your name?” Rao asked. “Arilia.” Rao fell quiet as Morro bounded in, carrying a hunk of meat in his jaws. Morro bounded up to them and lay the meat on the floor in front of her. Arilia looked at it for a moment, and then at Morro. He waited expectantly.

Arilia pulled a bite sized piece off and popped it in her mouth. Amazingly, it tasted good. Better than cooked meat. Arilia finished the meat off, leaving the bones on the ground in front of her. She felt peaceful now, almost like she needn’t worry about anything. “Arilia, would you like me to stay in here with you tonight?” Rao asked. Arilia looked at him for a moment. She nodded. “Just in case.” She said.

Morro looked at her as if waiting for her to say something. “You can go if you like, Morro.” Arilia said to him. Morro dipped his head and trotted off. Rao slid down and lay his head on his huge paws. Arilia looked down at the amulet, holding the ivory circle in her hands. Arilia lay down on her side and closed her eyes. Then a question popped into her head.

“Rao?” She asked. “Yes, Arilia?” Rao asked. “What are the Angel Cats?” She asked. Rao paused. “The Angel Cats are a clan of cats that are each a guardian to different cats on Earth. All are white, almost a completely different breed than what they are guarding. They are all female, and they all are human, but can slide. Legend says that they can slide faster and more graceful than anyone could ever rival.”

Arilia asked, “But how did they begin? Who are they?”

Rao began, “They began before time. They’ve always been there. No one knows how they started, but some people say that they are the children of stars. No one’s completely sure. And they’re slide forms are all of the species they protect, only white. There’s the snow leopard, the white tiger, the snow cheetah, and then white lion.”

Arilia opened her eyes and sat up to look at him. “Rao?” She asked. Rao opened one eye and looked at her. “What did Shagro mean about ‘the long rest’ you had?” Arilia asked curiously.

Rao turned his head away from her. “I was wounded while training.” He grumbled. Arilia watched him for a moment, and then, having no more questions that would ease the tension, she closed her eyes and fell asleep.

And she remembered as she dreamt.

“Arilia.” Angel said sweetly, reaching her arms out to her. Arilia couldn’t move. Angel frowned. “Right. I forgot you lost your memory. Well, you’ll get it back eventually. I can’t give it back to you. You don’t have the capacity to take in all those years of waiting for the right time.” Angel said sheepishly. Arilia gave a small smile at her friend, her sister. “Ah, so you accept what you are. We would have sent Spella, but she seemed a little… Snappy.” Angel said. Spella grinned. Arilia’s eyes gentled at her other sisters, Fella and Spella. “Go to the tigers, Arilia. Warn them the wolves are coming. The cheetahs have found out and are sending two messengers to the lions and leopards. But you must warn the tigers. They won’t listen to anyone else.” Spella said. Arilia gave a slight nod of her head. “Good-bye, sister. We will see you soon.” Angel said gently. They faded away.

Arilia woke, feeling slightly dizzy. She sat up and looked around. Rao was lying on his side now, his sides rising and falling gently with his breathing. Fresh meat lay in front of her. Arilia remembered what Spella had said: the wolves were coming.


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Last edited by shadowed_mist on Wed Sep 03, 2008 8:29 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 5:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oooh, getting scary, isn't it?

Okay, I may have sounded harsh in the last review but I'm sorry for that. Okay, firstly you should divide the paragraphs and dialogues. Keeping them togethor makes it confusing for the reader.

Nit-picks,

Quote:
and she lay there limply, hoping for unconsciousness.

Actually it should be, "hoping not to fall unconscious."

Quote:
“How dare you ask a favor of us?!” Marro roared angrily. “See the human female? She needs to stay somewhere safe until we can get her home.” Leo gasped.

See. First you write Marro talking and suddenly switch to Leo talking. Please change that.

Quote:
We’ll see each other at the next Assembly.” Leo said gently, butting his huge head against her.

That sounded cute. Very Happy

Quote:
Morro turned his eyes on Arilia. Arilia sat there, trembling under the big cat’s amber gaze.

Put, "she" for the second Arilia.

Quote:
Each time Morro would turn around and stare at her, his amber eyes glowing.

There should be a comma after, 'each time.'

Quote:
They all looked up when Morro entered. They all fell silent.

This you can make a single sentence. Like, "They all looked up and fell silent as Morro entered." Wait, was that name Marro or Morro?

Quote:
“You can go rest if you like. I’ll bring you some fresh kill.”

There should be a "and" between 'go' and 'rest'. And it should be "fresh meat"

Quote:
“Rau?” She asked.

Rau? I thought it was "Rao"

Quote:
“What are the Angel Cats?” Rau paused.

This can't be made out if it was said by Arilia or Rao/Rau.

Quote:
Rau opened one eye and looked at her.

Aww, this also sounded cute for a lion. Very Happy

Quote:
Arilia watched him for a moment, and then, having to more questions that would ease the tension,

What does this mean. I think you meant, "having two more questions which would ease her tension,"

Quote:
“Arilia.” Angel said sweetly, reaching her arms out to her.

Before this, you should write that she is dreaming. And it should be "an angel" because Arilia doesn't know about her, does she?

Overall,

Okay, this time it seems that this story is getting weider and scarier. And I didn't get any description of the character. But it seems that you are improving. Well done. Very Happy

And good luck. Wink

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 8:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Arilia is a strange charecter. When she doesn't want something to happen, she falls a sleep, which is why she was hoping for unconciousness instead of wanting to avoid it.

I make dialoug mistakes a lot. Morro was talking and then Leo replied to it.

I'll fix that! Embarassed

Fresh kill is what the cats call fresh meat, because they killed it. Fresh meat would make them sound more humanish than cattish.

It is Rao, i must have made a mistake and switched it. I'll fix that.

Arilia asked what the Angel Cats were, even though she is a part of them.

It was supposed to be, 'having no more questions to ease the tension. Spelling mistake. I'll fix it.

It's not "an angel" because her name is actually Angel. Arilia remembers who she is in her dreams. And I told you she fell asleep, so that should give enough of a hint that she's dreaming.

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