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Already Won Me
Already Won Me

by lilymoore in Romantic Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Romantic Fiction

This thread was created on September 5, 2008
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Confessions of an Ice Princess

Topic ID: 35627
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strawberry saliva   View This User's Portfolio
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Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 15
Joined: 03 Apr 2008
Posts: 16
Reviews: 1

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 5:16 pm    Post subject: Confessions of an Ice Princess Reply with quote

Kyle was in the hot line lunch in the cafeteria when Lana pushed up behind him.

“Hey!” the freshman behind Lana protested.

“Hey, yourself!” Lana said back at him

Kyle snickered. Lana had never been a considerate kind of person.

“What are you laughing at?” She asked him, not quite attaining the rudeness she intended.

“Nothing,” Kyle grinned at her. He could feel the beginnings of a chill going down his spine. It happened sometimes when he was with Lana.

She crossed her arms and cocked her head and put on a small smile that barely reached her eyes. “Thought so.” She said.

After they had both paid for their lunches, Lana led the way to an empty table at the back of the cafeteria. Kyle followed; it would be nice to have some one-on-one time with her.

“So, how’s your life?” Lana asked looking carefully at him after they had sat down.

Her steady gaze always made him uncomfortable. But not today.

“Why do you ask?”

Lana picked up her fork and took a delicate bite of her sloppy lasagna before she answered.

“I hardly know what’s been happening in your life since you decided to cut off all ties with me.”

She was watching him. Kyle realized that she was trying to make him feel bad.

“Well, I am going out with Madison now.” Kyle said. He had stretched the truth a little but Lana didn’t need to know that. The truth was that he had been trying to get Madison to go out with him for the past couple of months.

“That’s nice.” Lana said noncommittally. She gave him a long look before picking at her lasagna.

“What?” Kyle asked her. “You jealous?”

Lana smiled at him. Her first real smile in a while. Kyle marveled at how pretty she was when the smile reached her dark eyes.

“Not in the least.” She said.

“Oh, c’mon! I know you have feelings for me.”

That caught Lana off guard and Kyle knew it. He grinned as her face flashed. He’d got her! He watched as she tried to cover up her little slip up by ruffling out her ebony hair and taking a breath.

“That has got to be the most absurd thing I have ever heard.” She told him, the pink draining from her face.

Kyle leaned closer and looked at her, becoming serious. “I know, Lana.”

Lana pursed her lips and pushed away her tray. “Really?” she asked cynically.

“Yes, really. I see the way you look at me.” Kyle said. He was not going to let this go. She had caused him many sleepless nights. He couldn’t figure out whether this was real or just another one of her games; Messing With Kyle-part two. If it was a game, it was very convincing. He wanted to be sure before he fell for her again.

Lana’s eyes diverted from his and hovered above his head. “I don’t know what you are talking about.” She said wryly. “I am this heartless bitch as you so loudly put it. Remember?”

Kyle took her hand. “I was hurt. I thought you led me on then dropped me out cold.”

She looked back at him. Her blank expression replaced by a smug smile.

“I did lead you on, Kyle.” She said softly.

He didn’t know what to say to that. He wasn’t ready for her to admit that she had led him on. It was not like her. She loved to play games.

Lana flashed him that all too familiar flirtatious smile. She tossed her hair then brushed off a few stray strands of his hair from his face.

Kyle let go of her hand. He thought he had her but no, it was the other way round. They were playing games with each other.

She leaned in and looked in his piercing gray eyes. “So I have feelings for you. Big deal!” She whispered.

“What?” he asked not sure he had heard right.

Lana smiled that smile of hers. “I’m not saying it again so you can forget it.”

She stood up, picked up her tray, gave him one last lingering look and walked away.

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day tripper   View This User's Portfolio
Senior Writer

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Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 14
Joined: 05 Mar 2008
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Country: A loud girl who likes quiet places.
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 10, 2008 1:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hiya! I saw this had 0 reviews, so I've stepped up to the plate(:


Quote:
Kyle was in the hot line lunch in the cafeteria when Lana pushed up behind him.

Try this:
Kyle stood in the crowded lunch line when Lana pushed him from behind.
There's no need to state that he's in the cafeteria, where else would there be a lunch line?


Quote:
“Hey!” the freshman behind Lana protested.

“Hey, yourself!” Lana said back at him

A few things, after the "Hey!" 'the' needs to be uppercased.
There also needs to be a period at the end, after 'him'.


Quote:
She crossed her arms and cocked her head and put on a small smile that barely reached her eyes.

Run - on.


Quote:
flashed

I think you meant 'flushed'.


Overall: This didn't really interest me. Too much was left out and unsaid. The detail was low and the characters weren't fully developed.

Kyle: he seems... typical...

Lana: The only thing I found out about her is she is not always considerate. That's not really saying much...

_________________
Ice, Ice, Melt your heart.
Baby Girl, let down your guard,
Rush, Rush for that touch,
Just one taste can't get enough.
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This thread was created on September 5, 2008

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