Hey! So this is inspired by my favorite couple on the TV show 'The L Word', Bette and Tina. Please, please, please give me some comments!
I awoke to sunlight streaming through my window. Groaning, I turned over on the bed and stared tiredly at the empty space across from me. Mila. I could hear her voice in my head. I could feel her touch on my skin. Every second without her made me feel like I was suffocating. Even the smell of the sheets made me feel numb. Her smell of lavender and peppermint didn't make me cry; there were no tears left in me. I didn't even think there was anything left in me.
The first time I saw her, we were at a gallery opening that my friend, Renae was displaying her latest photography. As I walked through the white showroom looking at the pictures of people dressed in their own remarkable styles of clothing, Renae came up to me, an ecstatic grin on her face.
"Ria!" she exlaimed. "I'm so happy that you could come!"
I pulled my best friend into a hug. "I wouldn't have missed it," I told her sincerely, kissing her on both cheeks.
Renae pulled back and laughed. "I have someone to introduce to you, darling," she explained, taking me by the hand and leading me through a throng of people who were talking about both the artwork and the latest Gucci bag. As I almost tripped over Renae as she stopped, she said, "Aria Valenza, this is Ludmila Carlile."
That was when she turned around.
She had that exotic beauty that so many women dreamed of having. Her hair was a chocolate brown with streaks of copper throughout it; she had pale green eyes with flecks of amber and pale pink lips. A black cocktail dress with a plunging neckline covered her body and showed off her natural beauty. Across her right cheek was jagged scar.
I felt my heart stop. I couldn't think of anything more beautiful than her. Not even my first girlfriend.
"Call me Mila," she said, smiling brightly and extending her hand. I took it and felt like I was struck by a bolt of lightning.
"In that case, call me Ria," I responded. She held onto my hand a moment longer and smiled again.
"Nice to meet you, Ria."
Renae said, "Oh, look! Nick just got here!" She excused herself, leaving Mila and I alone.
Mila eyed me and asked, "You're from Italy I'm guessing? Otherwise you wouldn't have that accent."
I nodded and smiled as best I could. "[i]Molto buona. I came to the States in '95." I couldn't break my eyes from hers. They transfixed me. "How do you know Renae?" I added, tilting my head to the side.
"We went to college together. Sociology," she answered. "And you?"
"High school. We had French together." I laughed. "We've been best friends since."
Mila giggled girlishy. "Ah, high school," she sighed. "Worst years of my life. There was this guy that I dated and he completely dumped me. In the middle of an Applebees of all places. Trust me, not fun." She gave another giggle which I found slightly annoying. Girls that giggled always turned me off. But somehow I was still intrigued, despite the giggles. Of course though, a girl like her was straight though. They always were.
"Mila!" An ecstatic girl came up and hugged her tightly. "Oh my goodness! How the hell have you been?" she exclaimed happily. The girl was blonde and had hair that would burst into flame if near fire because of all the hairspray in it. To make matters worse, she was wearing a tight, sexy white dress. It made feel so boring in my pantsuit and plain pointed-toe high heels.
"Excuse me," Mila told me, turning her attention to the other girl. The two of them ended up walking away and disappeared. Sighing, I put on a face that made me look like I was fine and continued to look at the artwork.[/i]
***
Hot shower water streamed down my back and I leaned against the wall. I could hardly stand being in the shower, looking at the bottles of shampoo that Mila used and her pink razor that was in the soap holder. There was nothing I could do but stare at her things. It wasn't like they would bring her back. There was no way she would come back. Not after what had happened. Picking up the shampoo, I popped the cap open and inhaled the smell of it.
It wasn't enough. Nothing ever would be.
I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower onto the rug. When I stepped up to the mirror and wiped the steam away so that I could see myself, she was there in the mirror, staring back at me with a seductive smile on her face and twinkling eyes. Blankly I stared back. The image in the mirror was not real. Mila would never be coming back. Our fight had ended everything. The two years we'd shared together had evaporated instantly with one thing.
As I stared at the image of Mila in the mirror, I heard her say, "I love you, Ria. I love you."
Aloud, I replied, "I love you too."
***
"Night, night," Renae said, pulling me into a warm embrace. "Thank you so much for coming. I'll catch you later tomorrow for coffee?" She arched one of her eyebrows teasingly.
"Ten a.m.," I said with a grin. It wasn't like I had any plans tonight other than to read and drink a glass of red wine in hand.
With a final hug, I pushed through the door of the gallery and walked down the street. A pleasant spring breeze rolled across my path, tostling my cobalt hair in every direction. I hiked my bag higher on my shoulder and kept walking.
"Hey! Ria!"
Surprised, I turned around, expecting Renae to be telling me I forgot something. Then again, it wasn't my friend's voice that called out. It was Ludmila, the girl with the scar on her face that had made my heart stop. She was jogging along up to me. In the shoes she was wearing, I'm surprised she hadn't broken her ankle.
"Mila." I halted in my tracks and looked at her curiously. "What's up?"
She smiled, almost seductively. "You took off so soon that I almost didn't get to ask you to get a drink with me."
The only sound that could be heard were the sounds of West Hollywood night-life. It took me awhile to realize what had just happened. "You want to get a drink. With me?" I was baffled. And slightly interested. Would I want to get a drink with her? Hell yes, I would.
"Yes." She didn't say anything else as she waited for my answer.
Smiling with a stomach full of knots, I said, "I would love to."
"Good." She linked her arm through mine and added, "I know this great little hole in the wall bar that we can go to."
We arrived at the bar and Mila ordered two beers. "You enjoy that," the bartender said with a smirk. He held out his hand to accept the money.
Mila winked at him. "Oh, I will," she said. My stomach felt nauseous as Mila pulled me along by my elbow to a table in a corner. "Come on." Both of us settled into seats and Mila leaned back in her seat, sipping from her bottle. "So," she drawled, taking a long sip. "What's your story, Ria?" She arched an eyebrow at me.
I laughed. "My story? You mean my life story? Where I was born, where I went to school." I shook my head and took a swig of my beer. "Ah, I'm not that interesting. I graduated summa cum laude from high school after and went to Berkelely to major in art history. Renae and I have worked together at several galleries before she went on her own. I teach now at Berkeley. My parents, always having been realatively light on their being Catholic, seemed fine with me being gay. I've always loved Florence."
She leaned forward and set her bottle on the table. "You're a college professor at Berkeley?" She gave the giggle again. "That's amazing!"
"And you?" I returned, ignoring her comment about my job. "What is your story? What are your passions and your pursuits?" I gestured with my hands in the air.
"Okay, seriously," she said. "I really love your accent. Very sexy." Her voice sounded like a purr.
"Don't change the subject," I said back, giving her a fake look of seriousness. I wanted to ask her how she got her scar, but I didn't know I how she would react to it. But words came up like vomit with me sometimes, so I ended up saying, "For starters, how did you get this?" Instead of pointing to her scar, I reached over and ran my index finger from the top of it to the bottom. The spark of flirt that was bubbling out of me was going to have me laying in bed from embarrassment for a week. I was a college professor, not a bubbly school girl.
Mila looked at me for a long moment before smiling again. "It's gorgeous, isn't it?"
I was silent for a second, but replied, "Yeah. Yeah, it is."
"Well, I'm glad you like it." Sighing, she added, "Present from an ex. That's all I'm going to divulge right now." Mila picked up her beer again and finished it off. The bar around us was noisy more people were filing in from the outside. It was almost midnight and the DJ was playing The Zuton's song 'Valerie'. I stared around and spotted a few people that I'd met with Renae at the bar we usually went to. Two of the girls, I thought their names were Naya and Carly, were sitting at the bar and kissing each other while their hands ran up and down the other's breasts.
"I hail from New York City and my mom was single when I was born. I've been to, like, ten different schools because I always got kicked out for being a misfit. I worked at several different jobs, tattoo parlors, independent bookstores. I moved to LA for school and I've done daycare with children. I do stand-up comedy in my spare time." She smiled. "Favorite book is 'The Cider House Rules' and I do enjoy some trashy romances in the mix." Arching her eyebrow playfully, she added, "Is that enough?"
"Hmm." I smirked.
One o'clock in the morning and several beers later, I leaned my head back against the seat and sighed. "I should be getting home," I said. "I'm meeting Renae in the morning at ten for coffee."
Mila nodded and said, "Let me take you home."
***
Renae and I sat down at the table with our espressos and her with her bagel. She squeezed my hand and said, "Oh honey, it's going to be okay. Everything is going to get better."
I leaned against her shoulder and we sat there quietly until Teagan, Layla, Zoe, and Emily got there, all with somber faces and various sizes of coffee. They all took my hand and kissed my forehead. I could tell they didn't know what to say, even though they sounded supportive. All of us had been there for each other. Zoe when she had her heart broken by an actress who left her for a director; Teagan when she'd actually fallen for one of her one-night-stands; Layla when she'd had her nervous breakdown; Emily after her parents disowned her for being bisexual.
"I'm really sorry, Ria," Zoe said, placing a supportive hand on my shoulder. Zoe was a perky, hilarious girl who worked as a freelance writer. Half the time the things she said to someone that were meant to make you feel better only made you feel much worse. "You can't blame yourself for this. Mila has always been a little crazy. It's not your fault." She leaned back in her chair and sipped her coffee. Teagan shot her a look that read 'shut the hell up' and she responded with a 'what?' look. I saw Emily's leg pop up a little as she kicked Zoe in the shin. Zoe gazed at me with a look of apology, but I brushed it off. It wasn't like I had much feeling left. Her comment didn't even sting.
"It's okay, Zo," I said.
"Ri, we all loved her," Teagan said sincerely, her face dead serious. "Zoe just doesn't know how to keep her mouth shut," she added, throwing Zoe another face. She drained the rest of her shot and set it down with a look of satisfaction. "None of this is your fault." Teagan had a habit of trying to make everyone feel good. If she didn't, she felt like she was failing her friend in some way.
"She's really never coming back," Layla whispered in her quiet, dark manner. Layla tended to lock herself away from the world in her own small reality, but Renae and I had met her at a bar one night and were intrigued by her sense of artwork and style. We didn't understand her most of the time, but she seemed loyal to us and so we were to her as well. "We've all got to face that."
Emily, who still hadn't said a word, suddenly burst into tears. She put her head in her hands and wept uncontrollably. "Why did she have to leave? Why?" she wailed. Emily had probably never said an unkind word in her life and cried easily. While she had never particularly cared for Mila's sharp tongue, she was one of my best friends and she felt awful for me.
I didn't say anything and just watched as my friends discussed our route that we were about to drive.
***
"This is me," I said to Mila as we stopped in front of my apartment building. "Thanks for the drinks," I hiccuped. I'd probably had more than I needed to drink that night. I stared into her amber-flecked eyes for a moment and let myself become very quiet.
"Any time," she murmured back.
My thoughts blurred as I moved forward to touch the scar on her face again. As her lips parted, I leaned down and kissed her. Fire exploded through my mouth and pulled her body close to mine, wrapping her in a tight embrace. She had her fingers on my face and then tangled in my hair as I backed her against the side of the apartment building. Her lips tasted like honey and butterscotch and I let my hands slide down to her breasts, then her thighs.
When we fell onto my bed and Mila was stradling my waist, looking down at me, I felt like I was flying. My chest was on fire and Mila began to trail kisses down my stomach. After we were done, Mila laid in my arms and traced the tattoo of a lily that I had on my collar bone. "That was the best sex I've ever had," she laughed.
"Yeah," I said back. "Best sex ever."
We both turned to each other and began to crack up uncontrollably.
***
I stared out the window as we drove along the highway. Renae sped along, Nick in the backseat and me in the passenger seat. As Nick rambled aimlessly so to keep my mind off of Mila, his girlfriend took my hand and squeezed it. "We're here for you, Ri," Nick said, leaning up in his seat to pat my shoulder. "Don't forget it." Turning around, I tried to smile but failed miserably. Renae looked at him in the rearview mirror with a face that told him to be quiet. He sighed and leaned back against the seat of the car. She swerved around a car that was going to slow and picked up speed.
***
Mila slammed her fist down on our kitchen table. It was now four years after we'd met and we'd moved into a house together. "I don't know, Mila! I don't know why I'm not ready yet. What makes you so sure I'm even cut out to be a mom!" I sat back in my chair and rubbed my eyes tiredly.
"You don't know unless you try," she seethed at me. I had never seen her so mad in our entire time together. "You wouldn't be doing this alone, Ria. We'd be doing it together." She came over to me and knelt down to take my hands. "I want us to have a family. I want us to have children that we can raise and call our own." She put on hand to my face and I did the same, touching the scar on her face. The very same scar that she got from a man who's girl had left him for Mila. The man that had tried to kill her because of her being gay. "I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. With a baby that we can call our own."
When I looked into her eyes, so full of love and adoration, I saw our baby. A baby that had her eyes and my dark, wavy hair. Then I saw her and I being torn apart by the stress of raising a child. Even though we'd already had sperm on ice and waiting, I couldn't bear the thought of actually using it and then losing Mila.
I bent my head and murmured, "I'm sorry, baby. But I can't lose you."
Her face fell and she rose from the ground. "I'm sorry too." Kissing my forehead, she grabbed her keys from the kitchen counter and headed for the door.
Panicking, I rose from my seat and followed her as she made her way out. "Mila? Mila, where are you going? It's like a hurricane out there. You can't drive in it!"
"I need to clear my head," she whispered.
"When will you be back?" My heart began to race and I started to feel faint.
She looked at me sadly. "I don't know if I am coming back." Before she shut the door, she said, "Goodbye Aria. I love you."
As she shut the door, I raced to open it back up. "Mila! Mila!" I stepped out into the pouring rain and pounded on her windows as she started the car. Tears ran down her cheeks, but she shook her head and put the car in reverse backing out of the driveway. "Mila!" I screamed. I didn't care if our neighbors heard us. It didn't do anything though. Mila had already turned the corner and disappeared.
I went back into the house, soaking wet, and collapsed on our bed to cry like I'd never cried before.
***
Sun shone through the trees and birds sang a sweet melody that seemed so unfitting for the scene. "We are here today, not to mourn the loss of Ludmila Carlile, but to celebrate the life she lived," the priest said to the small crowd of Mila's friends and family. "She was a beautiful, loving, and smart woman, loved very dearly by her friends and family." As he continued on with his speech, I caught sight of all my friends, even Layla shedding tears. I merely stared at the coffin that was about to be lowered six feet into the ground. The pain in my chest was slowly intensifying as I thought about what had happened.
After Mila had driven away from our home, I was called the next morning to come into the police station. At first I thought she had been driving to a bar and then driving drunk, but when I arrived, I was taken into an office with two officers and a social worker. They told me that Mila had been in a car accident, hit by a drunk driver.
She had died instantly on impact.
As I remembered indentifying Mila's body at the morgue, tears began to pour down my cheeks and I sank to the ground. Now I was sobbing uncontrollably and Renae was bent down next to me, my other friends rushing towards us. We all sat in a big huddle, oblivious to the staring of the other funeral goers and the babbling of the priest.
"I'm so sorry, Mila!" I cried. "I'm so sorry."
My friends and I stayed huddled together on the ground until it was time to lower her casket. All around us, the other friends and family were departing. Sniffling, I took the lily out of my suit's pocket and went to lay it out on top of her casket. From behind me, I could feel the stares of my friends. "Our child will be beautiful. Just like you."
***
One year later...
All of my friends had gathered at my house to celebrate the birth of Mila's and my daughter. Mila's embryos had been saved as well from when we had aquired the sperm from our donor and with the help of my friends, I had done the insemination. Nine months later, I was given a beautiful baby girl: Lily.
"She has her eyes," Layla said, allowing a small smile.
Emily nodded, dabbing her eyes with a tissue. "She's as beautiful as both of her mommys."
Smiling, I held our daughter close to me and kissed her head. "She's just like her mother." I glanced over at the mantle where I had collected pictures of Mila from over the years we'd been together. She smiled back at me from the photos and in my head I heard her voice.
I love you, Ria.
I love you too, I responded silently.
Couple of things; the (i)'s that i think were meant to be changes is the writing and I think that's why i got confused 
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