Young Writers Society

Days and nights and eons ago
the sun ran away from the moon.
he went to parts unknown--the universe
he said,
was his oyster.
mama moon didn't know what he meant
but she let him go.
she knew
because mamas always know these things
that if she made him stay
his light would dim down
till there was nothing left

so
she let him go
and her heart, that once
was so strong,
so pure, it sang lullabyes to the cosmos
s
___ha
t
___t
_e
___r
________ed

and so the stars where born.

Beautiful. Truly beautiful.

Days and nights and eons ago
the sun ran away from the moon.
he went to parts unknown--the universe
he said,
was his oyster.

Love this section. "Days and nights and eons ago" - awesome! Just one dash should do between "unknown" and "the universe". Otherwise, great.

mama moon didn't know what he meant
but she let him go.
she knew
because mamas always know these things
that if she made him stay
his light would dim down
till there was nothing left

Do I have to say beautiful again? I cant find anything to critique about this bit. Its perfect. I love it.

so
she let him go
and her heart, that once
was so strong,
so pure, it sang lullabyes to the cosmos
s
___ha
t
___t
_e
___r
________ed

and so the stars where born.

The only thing I recommend for this verse is...uh...aha, yes, I have found one thing. "where" should read "were". And "lullabyes" should read "lullabies". Otherwise, magnifico. I really love that last line. And the line about singing lullabies to the cosmos. Breathtaking. Great work - keep it up!

I'm afraid I'm going to have to ech bubble, Beautiful!

Days and nights and eons ago

^Absolute favourite line!

Thanks for the spelling things, bubble, I'll fix them. (I am the reason Spell Check was invented, I swear to God(dess).)

Thank you guys!! I really love this poem, so it's nice to hear it well recieved.

i love the picture this part paints

Days and nights and eons ago
the sun ran away from the moon.
he went to parts unknown--the universe
he said,
was his oyster.

and "[singing] lullbies to the cosmos", wonderful.

You know I love this piece, darling. And since I already commented on it at that Other Place (*shudders in fear*), I won't. Except to say that it's one of my FAVORITES of yours.

Love you!!

*beams* I'm so glad people like this poem so much. It's actually a Christmas present for a dear friend of mine, and so I'm glad it isn't horrible. yay!!