Young Writers Society

“Charge!” A line of horses disappeared.
Fear, immortality and then the sheer need for escape.
The heartbeat, I could feel it, throbbing.
I glanced at my friend, bold, brave, untouchable.
I cursed at my cowardice as my throat burned.
Do it for mum, Do it for mum, Do it for mum.

“Charge!” My line of horses disappeared.
So did I.
The battlefield slowly came into view.
The soulless lying on the ground, the clashing, the wailing, the pain,
I waded through people, sword already bloody.
Do it for mum, Do it for mum, Do it for mum.

I watched helplessly as my friend went down.
He was there then gone in a last triumphant cry.
Anger bottled up and blotted out my thoughts.
That innocent, great hero died.
For reasons no man will ever be able to explain.
Do it for mum, Do it for mum, Do it for mum.

The unwelcome pain washed over me.
An arrow to my heart.
Confirming my destiny.
Exposing that the captain was a liar.
He promised every one of us would return alive.
Do it for mum, Do it for mum, Do it for mum.

Who was my killer that sealed my fate?
Was he brave, bold, heroic?
Was he a rich calm Lord or a man
Man just like me?
Do it for mum, Do it for mum, Do it for mum.

I will never have the joy of a wife,
Or the joy of hearing my children squeal.
A tear rolled down my cheek.
Slowly, silently death came and went...
Against my plead it took my soul.
It was no more than a whisper, but I said,

“I tried for you mum, and no one else.”

This is great! I loved how you said that the man who killed him was just a normal man. And I loved the second to last stanza about everything that he wouldn't be able to do now. I didn't see any grammer errors, which is really good! The poem flowed smoothly and it didn't seem forced at all. I loved the story! I thought it was interesting how he was affraid and his friend wasn't, but they both died. Good job! I liked it! Keep writing!

This was quite good - you used a lot of clear, good, visualise-able imagery, and it flowed quite well. Another thing you did which impressed me was the way you made it human. A lot of poets go for war or fighting poetry, but they make it childish or immature, or too melancholy - yours was the right balance, and I applaud you for that. Some nitpicks for grammar and punctuation, but nothing that was distracting from the work itself.
Keep writing, good job.

I was speechless. I haven't quite grasped poetry yet, and I think of yours as a good start for me. awesome!