Young Writers Society

You say they’re dark and ugly,
Black marbles in your eyes.
I say they're light and lovely,
Bright as the midnight sky.

You say you’re unlovable,
Born to be hated.
I say I’m crazy about you,
Cause love is overrated.

You say you don’t believe,
A girl like me could love a boy like you.
So I handed you my paper heart,
To prove my love was true.

You say you no longer,
Feel the same for me as you did before.
I asked you what changed,
Would loving me be such a chore?

You say let’s be friends,
It's for the best.
For the first time I am silent,
Except the unsteady beating in my chest.

You say they’re dark and ugly,
Black marbles in your eyes.
I say they're light and lovely,
What’s ugly is the darkness that’s inside.

Hi!
I really enjoyed this poem! It's so pretty! A bit confusing at times, but it was lovely. I would go through it and look for things that could be clearer and help the flow a little.

You say you’re unlovable,
Born to be hated. i think this line is a little short
I say I’m crazy about you,
Cause love is overrated.

I think that the last part of this stanza is the confusing part to me, but maybe it is just me, I did not know if you are saying love is overrated, so that is why you are crazy for him, or that you are crazy for him because love is overrated..

You say they’re dark and ugly,
Black marbles in your eyes.
I say their light and lovely,
What’s ugly is the darkness that’s inside

I love this!! It's a perfect ending to your poem although i think you mean "they're' in instead of "their"

Keep writing!

Chezka

Heyyyyyyy Insanity! Dogs here once again with my review for you! This was a really good piece and the rhyming in here really made it good. I do suggest, however, that you try a different rhyming scheme. Just to mix things up for you. I suggest that you take any poem and write it in A,A,B,B C,C,D,D ect. So basically there are several quatrains where the first two lines rhyme and the last two lines rhyme. That is the style of writing that I typically use but I challenge you to do the same. Are you up for it?

So now this is a great poem and I really don't have anything to say about it. So building off my previous challenge I challenge you to do this. Take a boring and overused word or phrase and turn it into something outstanding. Take a single word of phrase and use it into your poem and make it stand out from all the other poems on YWS and more importantly all of your poems because I read a lot of your great poetry but it all has the same general theme and rhyming scheme. Step out side of the box and try this for me wouldya please?

This is really good and I loved this poem but please do accept my challenge. Happy Writing!


TuckEr EllsworTh

That was a very nice poem to read, I was kept from the first word to the last word.
Great job.