Young Writers Society

Gracias, Becca!

hola yo hablo muy bien el espanol, pero soy malisima en escribiendo ^^
I liked your poem very much, its very charming and well written.
i caught myself smiling at some of the parts.
over all its very cute.

HAHA. I enjoyed reading it in Spanish, although I understand only a bit of it. (just a little bit, since they're a little similar to our language)

The english translation sure is weird when you read it, but it's CUTE. XD

-KAT <3

Hey Solvalery -

I thought at first that I'd critique it in Spanish, but I won't for a couple of reasons: my Spanish is not advanced enough, vocabulary-wise, to articulate my thoughts as clearly as I would wish, and secondly because it was written when you were much younger, so any points I'd make would be ill-suited to the innocence with which the poem is clearly told.

So, yes, like Firestarter, I will simply lend you some thoughts - my first being to ask if you usually write in Spanish (and if so, whether you might PM me some more recent poems!). Also, having read Neruda in Spanish, I disagree that English translations do him much justice; I think the Spanish language just has such a fluidity, such a wet-rolling beauty to it that dry, dusty English just does not adequately capture. Basically? I liked this poem much better in Spanish. Of course, that may in part be due to my infamiliarity with the language that makes even the most mundane of analogies seem wondrous, simply because I have never seen them written that way before, added to the fact that the rhyme simply does not work in English and the enjambment seems a tad off (well, that is, when compared to the original).

Despite its blatant simplicity, there was something very sweet about the last image; more so since it was written when younger (or at least, the narration quite obviously shows that) and has this free-banner, runaway kind of free-footed innocence to it.

Thanks for the read.

Navi

Omygosh Solvy this poem is not ridiculous! I love it so much it's probably my favourite! I wish I was that talented when I was younger.
On a September night,
I was on the balcony;
watching the moon half empty
smiling with pain.
A shooting star
that there appeared,
in the palm of my hand
chatterbox sat.
....and said
"The moon smiles sad
because one part is missing
the part of his beloved
that no longer writes her letters."
Confused and desperate,
I threw the star to the sea
where she found a dolphin
with whom she could talk.
"Hi! How are you?
I fell in love with the moon,
but she can't see me,
because I don't have light
and she'll never notice me.
She doesn't know me
and she will not,
because when the sun comes
she will hide fast.
And the star said:"Buddy, I can help you,
if you carry me in your back
she'll get to see you.
"When they got to know each other
,and they saw their differences
the moon jumped in his arms
with a strange innocence.
The dolphin fulfill(ed) his dreams,
and the moon was full,
the star went back to the sky,
and wrote a poem.

Well, well, well, it seems you were quite talented when you were 12, assuming you've gotten better since then, you've gotta be a hell of a poet now. I read the rough translation in English and it was a good idea, but reading it in Spanish was outstanding, it was very creative, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Keep Writing!

Hi, I know this poem was posted quite a while ago but I stumbled across it and just HAD to comment! I ADORE this poem it's the cutest thing ever and makes me glad I know spanish
~Megan

Hi Gee!

I loved this poem. I'm learning Spanish at the moment and was basically over the moon when I realised I was able to understand some bits of it. It was a really cute poem though! So sweet! I'm twelve now and I would've been proud if I had written this poem. And it doesn't sound any worse in English, trust me. It's just as wonderful.

Deanie x