Young Writers Society

Sown by the hands
of the brave and the good,
this tree proudly stands;
its armour, its wood.

Diverse in their direction
the leaves branch out.
As if harmoniously, in perfection
they gently sway about.

No stormy rain
dared dampen its might.
With every hurricane
it was ready to fight.

With roots anchored deep,
and nurtured by the soil.
To never fall, to never creep
whatever the turmoil.

Now independent and fully mature
'twas once a sapling, not long ago.
So to every admirer, I do implore
to let it prosper and let it grow.

the topic independence inspires me in so many different ways. this is one of the reason i was so mesmerized by the title, that i decided to come and read it.
your grammar looks perfect to me, you know when and where to put semicolons and commas properly.
i love how you compared independence to a tree, that is an aspiring piece of work.
keep writing on what you believe:)!

Hello murtuza,

Wow, that was a really good poem. You turned a trees growth into something more than what is was and you made it sound more beautiful and deep then I thought it could be. I like how you changed something from small and minor to large and important and you have written this poem really well. I actually really loved this poem, it was the sort of thing that makes the reader think and inspires people write. I'm actually really impressed with the quality of this and you are truly very talented.

Sown by the hands
of the brave and the good,
this tree proudly stands;
its armour, its wood.

The first stanza introduces the topic really well and it starts as the tree is being planted which is good because it lets the reader realize what the poem is about and it is like the start of your poem is the birth of something else. The things I'd recommend changing in this stanza is changing the third line from "this tree proudly stands" to "the tree stands proudly", this is just my opinion but I think it flows better and is a more logical way of writing it. the other thing would be to try and rephrase the last line, it doesn't flow at all. You need to rephrase it or just change it completely for it to totally make sense.

Diverse in their direction
the leaves branch out.
As if harmoniously, in perfection
they gently sway about.

This stanza is my favorite of all of this poem. It is beautiful and it is full of amazing description and it creates loads of imagery. The last two lines are a little confusing though, you have put the first half of the last line on the end of the third line and it is confusing and doesn't make sense, i think this is because you based the line around the rhyme and it didn't really work very well for this.

No stormy rain
dared dampen its might.
With every passing hurricane
it was ready to fight.

This was also a good line, it was very powerful and dramatic and I wanted to read it over and over again because it was so exciting. The only thing i recommend is slightly changing the second line from "dared dampen its might" to "dared to dampen its might". It just sounds a little bit more flowing and a more sensible line that is easier for people to understand.

With roots anchored deep,
and nurtured by the soil.
To never fall, to never creep
whatever the turmoil.

This stanza would unfortunately have to be my least favorite stanza. It was a bit plain and not as interesting to read as all of the other stanzas. I also think that you should consider changing the last line from "whatever the turmoil" into something more like this "no matter the turmoil" or "no matter what turmoil" it would just sound a bit more smooth.

Now independent and fully mature
'twas once a sapling, not long ago.
So to every admirer, I do implore
to let it prosper and let it grow.

I have no problems with this stanza, it is nice and flowing and I can't give you any advice on how to improve it. It is just a nice way to end and sum up the poem and I can't criticize it because it is just beautiful and great for the reader.

Overall this was a really neat poem and I loved your word choice and excellent language through out this entire thing. I really look forward to seeing your future poems and if you ever want another review or you have any questions or concerns just PM me or post a message on my wall and I will get back to you as quickly as time allows. Keep up the amazing writing.

From DreamingForever