News Flash! Everyone, Read!
One sun-shiny day, right now to be exact,
You read this poem. But as you read it,
Creaks and crackles
And screams started clamoring outside,
So you tried to look at the nearest window
To your chair
But wait! Don’t look yet! Read this first!
You just didn’t know that today‒
As already predestined
(Read it in the fine print of fate)‒ is the
Rise of the living dead!
Corpses that should be sleeping beneath their graves
Ascended from the dirt, alive and well.
Flesh-thirsty zombies ran after
The people in the neighborhood,
Scooping up their brains
Like an eat-all-you-can salad bar.
But wait! Don’t look yet! Read this first!
The day of the rise of the living dead,
Is also the day when
Androids and automatons plotted revenge
On humans!
Machines listened to their own AI’s
And wreak havoc outside, firing people
With lasers and blasting houses with bombs.
Shifting and blazing in what we used to call
“My hometown neighborhood.”
But wait! Don’t look yet! Read this first!
The day of the rise of the living dead and
The rebellion of robots
Is also the day when
Flying saucers came down to Earth!
Long metallic tentacles bashed the buildings
Screaming people were abducted
By the evil clutches of pizza-faced‒
No anchovies, sorry‒aliens from outer space.
But wait! Don’t look yet! Read this first!
The day of the rise of the living dead,
The rebellion of robots and the
Coming of flying saucers down to Earth
Is also the day
Of Ragnarok!
Odin, Freya, Balder and the other gods went down
From heaven and fought with
The navy, the marine and the army.
Thunderclouds growled like tigers,
Mountains sunk like Titanic,
And undersea volcanoes rose up like the sun.
But wait! Don’t look yet! Read this first!
The day of the rise of the Living Dead, the rebellion
Of robots, the coming of flying saucers down to Earth
And Ragnarok
Is also the day when
The animals stampeded all over the country!
The elephants and rhinoceroses and wildebeests
Stampeded out of the zoo and crushed all in their way,
Including the Ice Cream truck that you loved.
The hippopotamuses were late though.
But wait! Don’t look yet! Read this first!
The day of the rise of the living Dead, the rebellion
Of robots, the coming of flying saucers down to Earth,
Ragnarok and the rampaging animals
Is also the day when
The deities from Mount Olympus came down from
The sky and rained down chaos all over Earth.
But wait! Don’t look yet! Read this first!
The day of the rise of the living Dead, the rebellion
Of robots coming of flying saucers down to Earth,
Ragnarok, the rampaging animals and the
Olympus descent
Is also the day when
Fairies, elves and dwarves trampled out of the woods
And their underground privies
Just to eat all the children in the neighborhood for lunch.
And also the day of Sasquatches revealed themselves
And the day of the Lochness monster went out of the lake
And the day that plants released aerial toxins
That made people eat their grandma’s stroganoffs.
But wait! Don’t look yet! Read this first!
The zombies, machines, saucers, Ragnarok,
Animals, Greek gods, fairies, Sasquatch,
Nessie and evil plants day
Is also the day when toys became alive, Frodo
Reached Mount Doom, Voldemort was killed by Harry Potter,
Homer Simpson drank his last glass of beer,
Phineas & Ferb built a roller coaster, discovered something
That doesn’t exist and painted a continent,
Patrick Star finished reading the first page of a book
And Sherlock Holmes solved the case
Of the missing tarts of the Red Queen.
But wait! Don’t’ look yet!
The zombies, machines, saucers, Ragnarok,
Animals, Greek gods, fairies, Sasquatch,
Nessie, evil plants, toys, Frodo, Harry, Homer,
Phineas & Ferb, Patrick and Shelock Holmes day
Was also the Judgment day, the day when
Angels fought with the devils,
The prophecies of Agnes Nutter came true,
Teenage mutants in turtle form were born,
the day when pigs flew the skies,
The day when the time machine was invented
And the day my head exploded because of
Writing all of these episodes that might happen
Unless prevented by unexpected cases and unfortunate events,
Casualties or calamities that might lead
The planet into having dyspepsia.
And then the entire world fall unto chaos
And all the plants and animals have died
And Lady Gaga became an endangered species
But if you look right now through your window,
You will see nothing because when the world ended,
Someone entered the time machine and redid everything.
And you will never see any of those incidences because
You’re sitting somewhere in Earth, cozy in some chair
Reading this long poem written by your newest best friend
So the next time you would like to read something funny
Read this again so that the whole world will come
To a tragic end,
Then the cycle repeats again
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