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Young Writers Society


New World



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245 Reviews



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Points: 15440
Reviews: 245
Mon Dec 12, 2011 4:35 am
creativityrules says...



Spoiler! :
This is inspired by something that happened to me recently. I'm not really sure how I feel about it yet; what do you guys think? Comments would be very appreciated.


Once, you were my world.
I lived on your continents
and swam in your oceans.
I had discovered a new country,
an unknown frontier,
and I wanted to know it,
thought I could love it,
convinced myself it was mine.

I was walking on the surface
of transparent frozen water
when the ice began to weaken
and shattered beneath my feet.
And where sturdy footing was,
something gave way to nothing,
and I found myself drowning
in what I found beneath.

When I escaped the confines
of the rigid sheets of water,
I crumpled on the outside,
confused and shivering.
Your world went on without me.
You betrayed my trust and left me,
a pitiful survivor,
a confused misinterpreter.

I thought I spoke the language
of the world I found inside you.
But there must've been a few words
that I forgot to learn.
Perhaps you tried to tell me
but I simply didn't listen.
Perhaps you screamed things at me
but I didn't understand them.

Now you're just a name written
on the map of my adventures.
Someday I'll find a new place
where I can learn to live.
“...it's better to feel the ache inside me like demons scratching at my heart than it is to feel numb the way a dead body feels when you touch it."

-Brian James
  





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59 Reviews



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Mon Dec 12, 2011 5:11 am
catslikebooks2 says...



This poem sounds melancholy. Well written a very nice, but melancholy. It makes me feel melancholy too, and I can relate to it, which makes it a phenomenal poem, being able to make me feel something, but I don't like feeling melancholy. think about the last line:
creativityrules wrote:Someday I'll find a new place
where I can learn to live.

someday you'll find a new place. Yay! adventure!
disclaimer: my reviews may not be constructive at all, don't blame me, I put a disclaimer, and I'm random.
"You know how writers are... they create themselves as they create their work. Or perhaps they create their work in order to create themselves."-Orson Scott Card
Cats are awesome! So are books!so obviously; catslikebooks2!
  





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187 Reviews



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Points: 350
Reviews: 187
Mon Dec 12, 2011 10:25 am
ChocoCookie says...



I loved this poem! :D

Great job. I'm too tired to type now, so later I will tell you! :P
But I loved it. I loved the idea very much too and way of writing.

I can give it a 8/10. ^.^

Keep Writing! :)

Love,
Cookie. xD
I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living.


New to YWS? We'll help you out! <3'
  





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Mon Dec 12, 2011 6:01 pm
Toripopppy says...



Loved the metaphors you used in the poem, and I like the idea that love is an adventure. :) I can really relate to what you're saying in this, which is surprising seeing as nothing moves me... but you did! Keep working, I'll be looking out for more work from you... :P
  








She conquered her demons and wore her scars like wings.
— Atticus