Young Writers Society

I have just had one of the moments where you come up with a great idea for a book. I have a few things written down, and I would like to share them with you.

This is my first attempt at writing a fantasy, and I think that this plot has never been done before in the history of...history! Well, any comments, advice or pretty much anything to help me out would be much appreciated!

____

Arnold Jackson, a black African American, dreams in his youth of a fantasy land named Freedom. Inside, twelve year old Lyre shows him around and tells him about the great king that restored peace to this once so horrible land. Freedom, currently was a beautiful land where one would love to live. Arnold (eight years old) dreams every night and goes back to discover magic, peace and most of all, non-prestigious people.

The year is [s]1921[/s] (see EDIT). Jackson and his family are going through trials with being black. His father can't get a job and his mother is deadly sick. The only place that Jackson can find happiness in is Freedom, where he isn't persecuted for being black.

Until he grows up, of course. He soon forgets about Lyre and Freedom and begins to face reality: WWII. He is recruited to be a kitchen boy in a battle station in Hawaii. He is located in Pearl Harbor. White men prosecute him and thrown snide comments about Jackson.

And then the Japanese bomb Pearl Harbor and Jackson is thrown overboard, into the chaos of the world. He wakes up to find himself in Freedom, the once fantasy land, but now it was real. There was only a few things different: the good king had died and was replaced with an evil king, one who sought to destroy any "Savior of the land". Freedom soon meets up with Lyre and is totally shocked to find out that everyone in the land of Freedom was dead. Including Jackson himself.

Lyre tells Jackson that he has been the only live entity that has entered Freedom. Of course, Jackson was dead, but a few years ago, when he was eight, he had visited Freedom. Lyre discovered that Jackson was supposed so free the people from Freedom so that they could free themselves from being bound in the land.

______

Ugh! Now that I write all of that down it seems so...so not thought out. Oh well. If any of you want to leave comments or anything, they would be much appreciated. Again, this is my first attempt at fantasy, so if anything doesn't seem...right, please tell me.

Thanks!

BBB

[EDIT] I changed the year. It is really [s]1928.[/s] I think I'm going to change the year to 1930-31. Depends. If you guys can give me any feedback, it would be much appreciated.

This looks like quite the original story! The cultural statements are intriguing (moving from a tyranny in reality to a tyranny in fantasy) and bold, and you've already created a great deal of sympathy for your protagonist and his family, which is a very important component of an effective novel.

I can offer a couple of suggestions. Firstly, calling the fantasy world simply 'Freedom' sounds a wee bit heavy-handed considering how sensitive the racial issues you are dealing with are. Perhaps you should instead find out what the native African word for 'Freedom' is and call the land that (sadly the only words in African (Kenyan I believe) that I know are: dudu = insect, doctori = doctor, and wa = of).

Additionally, I think you should place a lot of your focus on fleshing out your fantasy world, as that is generally what distinguishes one fantasy writer from the next. Utilizing as much African folklore as possible is recommended (again, I know little myself except that spiders play an important and positive role), yet don't be afraid to add wholely new components as well (for instance, the fantasy world of the Maxx is based loosely on the Australian Outback but is composed entirely of original creatures). Also, since the real world is such a dark and depressing place for our hero, the fantasy world needs to be all the more vibrant (this will also help later when all the brilliance and beauty of its contents are subjugated by the evil king).

To conclude, this work is original (the means by which the hero enters the fantasy world is as well) and has a great deal of potential. You should write it; it could be a best-seller!

Yours,
T. Pesando, writer of Kazdrea

How do you come up with these great ideas!?
This sounds really interesting!
I agree with Kazdrea that it could become a best seller!
Good luck!
Paw

Well, I just updated Frequency. Here is the link for Chapter Two:

post282971.html#282971

Any comments would be much appreciated!

BBB

Cool story, but the first few parts will require some good reasearch into those times. Question: is Lyre a girl?

Nope. Lyre is a guy. He is Arnold's best friend in Vryheid. (Lyre isn't a real person. He only exists in Vryheid. Some people get that mixed up.)

Thanks for writing!

BBB

Ok, well I decided to update with any plot changes or anything. xD

And, I might need some help.

Ok, for any of you out there, in Chapter Four I need some help. As you found out in Chapter Two, the Jackson family was kicked out of their two room apartment because Papa couldn't pay the rent - for the second time in a row.

So, they are on their own. Well, they find a new place to go (which I won't tell you till chapter 3) and so I need some help.

What kind of transportation could poor black people afford? The Jackson family is going to have to go to the new house, and they can't walk with a sick child. So, are there any ideas? I've looked, but I can't find any.

Please help. Any of you interested. Thanks a million and two.

BBB

You could have another black person who's fortunate enough to own a cab and takes pity on them, so he gives them a free ride.