Young Writers Society

I wrote this for someone at Christmas. I hope she doesn't mind I'm putting it on here and if she does I apologize in advance.

I know it's somewhat confusing but please bear with it and give me input. I don't want grammar corrections because if it's a certain way (Except for spelling or extra words) then I did it on purpose.

Also, this was inspired by a book I read once, "Waiting for Godot" The style was somewhat inspired by that but not the actual topic. Well, enjoy.

Edit -- Removed

ok I got done reading this faster than I thought I would; it helps that I had some spare time.

The style in which this is written is indeed very similar to how I've written in the past; I've tried to change my own style up, but it's not as easy as it looks. But anyways, the story proceeds well enough on some parts, but there are two things about this that I think really should be fixed, otherwise they do a grave injustice to what is good about this story.

Firstly, the characters aren't nearly as in-depth as they could be. I felt like I was reading about three near-mindless creatures at one point .That's not to insult your writing, of course; it's just how the characters come across; very wooden. So I strongly suggest that you liven them up, give them a touch of personality. Make them different. Use imagery to describe them a bit more as well. But make them different, unless they're meant to be similar to each other...

Secondly, the dialogue seems to stretch on and on and on, without any pauses to show action in between. For all I knew, the character stood perfectly still when they were talking a lot of the time. Think about it; do you remain as still as a statue when you're talking to someone? No, you move about, use body language, etc. Including these kinds of things after a character's said something, or while they're saying it, will make the story that much easier to follow. People complain about how no one likes pages and pages of just paragraphs without dialogue; well, it's the same the other way around as well.

Otherwise, this was a decent story, and with these kinds of fixes, could be even better than it already is. Just think about what I've said; I'm not saying I know everything. I just know what has worked so well for me.