Young Writers Society

Journal of: Leon Kagles
About two or so years ago, my mother gave me a special ring before she passed away.The ring was taped to a folded note which she said to not read unless the ring stops working. It was not just any ordinary ring though. A ring of special powers. This ring made me more powerful than I could ever possibly imagine. I had to use it for good though. But I face one predicament. Three days ago the ring stopped working. Now is the time I read the note my mother gave me with the ring.
I opened up a trunk where I keep sacred items reached inside and pulled out the not my mother attached to the ring. I opened up in read it.
The note explained what needed to be done to retain the rings power.
I had to-
TO BE CONTINUED


*If you do not like such the cliffhanger, don't complain about it or mention it. I know its very untimely. I ask you to not mention it unless you like. thank you.*

Mod edit: Removed the all-caps from the title.

Darling, this is not a cliffhanger -- this is simply you cutting off the story at a *very* bad point. And honestly? If you don't want people to complain about the worst aspect, don't post it on YWS. Because of where you cut this off, I have no concern for continuing. Why? Because there's not enough material here for me to care. I have no emotional connection with your characters. I have no idea what the story is about. And frankly, that means I won't read the rest, because I don't have a reason to.

This is not a strategic point to cut off your story -- it's really just annoying and discouraging. You have to establish an emotional connection with the reader before you cut something off, otherwise they're not going to care to continue.

Now, off of that particular tangent. (And really, don't tell people not to criticize something. That's just pretentious. )

Like I said, there's not really enough material here. But so far, I can tell that you're leaning towards the realm of telling instead of showing. Bo-ring. No one likes to be lectured, and I'm sure you're in the mood to tear my throat out for lecturing you right now. =P

But! Even if this is in someone's journal, they're not going to be writing it for a specific reader. They're going to already know what's going on, so they won't be doing exactly what your character is doing here. They'll be talking more about their emotions toward it, and alluding toward whatever's going on in more of a subtle sense. Don't write from the character's POV for the sake of your audience.

Keep at it! If you have any questions, comments, complaints, chocolate pudding, etc., feel free to send me a PM!

-Saint Razorblade
The Official YWS Pirate

Sidenote: Moved to Fantasy Fiction because my modly instinct is telling me that's where this belongs.

Hey there.

This is not a cliff hanger, this is more of an incomplete piece of writing. From this piece, you stated there is a ring filled with power (LOTR much?) but you don't go into further specific titles about it.

How does the narrator react with the ring? Why did his/her mother give him/her the ring? What was the narrator's mum like? How did the narrator react when the ring stopped working?

Details Emotions! Thoughts! They are important if you want your reader to relate to your narrator. Also, add more details, make it convincing. Don't tell us that the ring has power, in what way does it give power?

Also, what's the main conflict in this? Conflicts are what drives the plot of the story, yet I don't see one here. If there is no conflict, then I really couldn't care about what happens.

Andy.