Freaky story... but pretty epic. I love how sadistic this character is, especially when he laughs at his dead fiance. Just one thing though:
I walked slowly to the closet with a sinister smile on my face.
I was just thinking that he wouldn't know what his face looked like (if his smile was sinister) seeing as he can't see what his expression is, but I get what you mean. Maybe just rephrase it? Overall, I found this story quite enjoyable...
Nice! I love how dark and mysterious it is! I love stories like these and I've not seen many of these on here yet so this is refreshing! I love how the first few lines seem to lure the reader in (because they certainly lured me in!). I love how sadistic you've made the character, and when he laughs at his dead fiancée it's just...even more sadistic and quite awesome, to be honest. I found no mistakes as I read it, and I guess I can say no more, apart from keep up the good work!
OH MY GOD your going to give me nightmares!!!!!!!!! That was SO SCARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gosh brrrr, its freaky and awesome, in a very freaky scary way......
Don’t let your victories go to your head, or your failures go to your heart.
Really good, no mistakes at all! Next time give a description of the room or the area around the character, for the reader to imagine everything to its fullest extent... Otherwise, great job! Hope you write a consecutive story to this! - Midnight
It was short but it gave me thrills. I really like the fact that it started and ended quite soon and was able to narrate a vague though not the exact story. Most of us were able to, I'm sure, Imagine what could have happened a while back. It was the kind that we call here the snip and snap. Very clean. I liked it a lot. Good work. Keep it going... Also... Most of them here tend to write chapters and chapters that hardly conclude or end. And they only create a good start and never get to an end. But, you did a good work there. To come up with something like that? Great work. Well done...
Cheat your landlord if you can and must, but do not try to shortchange the Muse. It cannot be done. You can’t fake quality any more than you can fake a good meal. — William S. Burroughs
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Points: 909
Reviews: 3