Young Writers Society

Flowing Desire

Grasping gallantly to the fringes of the bed
Exposing every bare thread 
To the pristine touch.

Inception of a world 
Of deepening desires
Of growing growls
Of insatiable hunger.

Why control your urges,
When they are so difficult to tame,
Too gentle to bear, yet unbearable to resist.
Just let them flow

Like spring water,
With diamonds of sunlight glowing beneath the current.

Temptations,
Are merely illusions of Man's desire. 






 

uh welcome to YWS first of all !

Of deepening desires
Of growing growls
Of insatiable hunger
This part kinda reminded me of food for some reason even though I got the actual meaning of it .

Too gentle to bear, yet unbearable to resist.
Just let them flow .
The just let them flow part , according to me took out the flow of the poem but the last line

Temptations,
Are merely illusions of Man's desire
again according to me makes up for that . All in all it was okay , not that entertaining but yeah nice .

-Tanya /tanya98

I thought this was great. I am very envious of your imagery! I agree with tanya98 about the hungry part. I think you just need to change the "of growing growls", then it wouldn't seem like you were starving.
Here are my other comments:

Grasping gallantly to the fringes of the bed I LOVE this stanza!
Exposing every bare thread
To the pristine touch.

Inception of a world
Of deepening desires,
Of growing growls, --- we already talked about this.
Of insatiable hunger.

Why control your urges,
When they are so difficult to tame,
Too gentle to bear, yet unbearable to resist?
Just let them flow

Like spring water,
With diamonds of sunlight glowing (I feel like this might not be the right word. Perhaps sparkling, gleaming or glittering? beneath the current.

Temptations,
Are merely illusions of Man's desire. I love the ending!