Young Writers Society

Material

There are scavenger birds
in my head -
scorn hovering above the water
and white skies
I cannot circumvent the obvious -
the obvious,
that bastion which eludes me

am I coming or going
am I the island, the sea?
Forever stripped of heaven
hell bent and in-between

The birds are
soaring above my waters
I hear them even now
looking for survivors
hungry for the dead

tugging
pulling
unraveling
yet they have not found me
--

humbled,
-m.

This was so fun to read! I loved your vocab, rhythm and rhyme. The topic was great, too. However, your stanzas could have been positioned more clearly, or combined or something. Otherwise, I loved it! keep up the good work

All I can say is welcome to YWS.

I'll be back to review this properly.

For someone with writer's block, this poem really wasn't all that horrible. It did not contain any grammatical flaws, and there's nothing I can see that could be changed with a simple twisting of words. The ending was a little awkward and the poem has room for improvement, but it goes without saying that this is in no way a mediocre piece of literature. Keep writing

"Fat Beached Whale" haha
It was actually super good for someone with apparent Writer's Block!
Congratulations on your future son

Your poem was simple, but in a really picturesque way. I loved the soft touches and the one word lines.

"tugging
pulling
unraveling
yet they have not found me"

Those lines are my favourite. So easy to understand haha.

Well done!

NightWriter x