Young Writers Society

They say we know ourselves best,
But most of us don’t look into a mirror,
We look at the painting we drew in our head.

You’ve described this drawing to me a few times,
But where you’ve painted it black and white,
A ray of bright colors meets my eyes.

Don’t let the fear keep you from living this life.
Don't be afraid for what’s hidden in your heart,
It only shows how good a man you’ll become.

This life has made you mature instead of bitter,
You’re an example for us as we struggle along.
You think you’re weak but believe me when I say…

We all know you’re strong.

This is nice. A whole-hearted poem is always welcome, particularly when the writer can write.

Firstly, punctuation. You have very determined end stops - but two are missing. Perhaps this is for flow, but it doesn't work here. Those two lines (first lines of first two stanzas) have pauses at the end just as the rest, and should be similarly punctuated. Remember, punctuation in poetry can be of varying styles, but it must always be consistent. That being the case, you can go wild.

The message is good, and personal - no review needed there.

One line short of a sonnet... but I don't think a sonnet would suit this poem's message, even if the style could adapt to fit with relative ease.

There is a split in focus between the two main sets of stanzas. The first two follow an artistic metaphor, which is then subsequently abandoned. The next two and the last line have their own metaphor, though they are overall quite literal. In such a (relatively) short poem, I fell that this splits the reader too far apart - one cannot decide whether a connection exists and how best to hold on to it. If you feel inclined to change the piece, either extend one of the sections (more easily the first, I suspect) or blend the both of them.

Overall, a swell piece, keep writing!

Oooh, I really like your first stanza - it's a lovely image, and a great concept to play with.

With the rest, I think your second stanza begins well, but you threw me with your wording on the last line. I keep wanting to make it read as "see", and have it be more of an active line - "I see bright colors..." or something, rather that "meets," but that's just me.

With the rest, I think part of my trouble is your subject matter itself - I have a harder time with poetry that directly states meaning, rather than playing with words and images to convey meaning. I think you started doing this really well in the first stanza, but you fizzed out with it by the end. If anything, I would suggest drawing out the painting metaphor throughout the entire poem - you could have lots of fun with it, contrasting color/back and white/shades of grey. If you do, I would then suggest you keep your title, but not use your last line - but, again, that's how I prefer poetry ^^

Thanks for the read! I'd love to see you do more with the paint metaphor, and really dig in to the possibilities you've created with this poem! If you have any questions, feel free to send me a PM!