Young Writers Society

Old Man

He can’t possibly see me;
His eyes are creamy with cataracts,
But he seems to watch my every move
As I sit in the ancient rocking chair
Beside him on the porch.
He asks me about my life,
School, friends,
But we both know why I came,
And that is to say goodbye.
He leans forward and touches my knee,
His hand shaking,
His body creaking as much
As his rocking chair.
His touch is warm,
Even through my Denim jeans,
As warm as it was ten years ago
When we built a tree house together.
I stare out at the tree house,
Remembering the able-bodied old man
Who climbed ladders
And held nails in his mouth,
And then I look back at this old man,
Wispy white hair, slack jaw.
Same man, same Grampops,
Still as loving, as kind as ever,
But this man is dying.

So sad, but it really actually brings back good memories for me. I really like it. Although there isn't much to look at, formatting wise, I think the lack of interesting lines, etc. give it a simplistic and peaceful tone. Like "I don't need to make this all fancy, because that's not how our relationship was." Or at least thats how I see it. It is very sweet of you to write this. You include a lot of very good descriptions, which create a lot of mental images, one of the most important factors, in my opinion.

really good job. I can't think of any complaints.

Hi

I thought this poem was so sad. I could feel a lot of emotion through it and the words flowed really well and fit together. It's a simple yet nice and enjoyable poem to read.

I think the first lines were the best:

carelessaussie13 wrote:He can’t possibly see me;
His eyes are creamy with cataracts,
But he seems to watch my every move

I can really relate to that because my Aunty is blind, but most of the time it's like she isn't and I can feel her gaze.

Great job!

Deanie x