Young Writers Society

War, get ready,
Run away,
I'm lost, I don't know the way!

Bombs and raids,
Looking for shelter,
Where's my gas mask?
That's my task!

Plains and stains,
Going through never-ending lanes,
Evacuated people going on trains.

Hey Phil!

Right now, it looks like you have just a bunch of ideas put into fragments here. You have this weird jekry motion in your poem about war, and I kind of like it. It just sounds so random and crazy that you kind of get this feeling of the craziness of war -- a good thing!

The thing is, this poem doesn't really seem to end. You start with, "War, get ready" (is it the war getting ready, or you declaring that there is a war and getting ready for it?) but your last words in this poem are about evacuated people going on trains. So... er... what's happening with you? The problem is that you've written about yourself and you being lost almost right away in the third line, but this whole idea seems largely neglected.

If you want to ignore it entirely and let it be lost in the chaos of war, I think you have to make it a lot more chaotic and weird... which would be really awesome, but very hard to pull off. Still, you can totally do it. The other thing would be concluding it with yourself and either how you only got more lost or how you found yourself.

Anyway! Just some ideas. Hope this helps!