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Young Writers Society


The Rainbow of Life



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189 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 4166
Reviews: 189
Wed Dec 10, 2008 3:44 am
vox nihili says...



I wrote this while watching the documentary Planet Earth. It's a really good show....Anywho, 'Rainbow.'

........
The flourish of color
That graces the dull grey branches
Is only a shadow
Of the amazing depths
Of forests around the world
Our world secretes so many
Varieties of life
That they seem to flow out past all boundaries of phylum and species
From birds dancing in frenzied arrays of feathers
That glow brilliantly in the faint light of the forest’s understory
To the majesty of the breaching whales,
Water shimmering in the arctic summer sun
Striped hooved figures move in scores
Over the wet, flooded savannas, cerulean skies reflected on the waters that embrace the verdant plains
The wild thrill
Of the arctic wolf’s cry
That echoes
Over wide open snows
The thunder
Of hooves
Over the spacious plains
In blurs of white, brown black and bay
Travel around the world
To the African plains
And see the ragged lean figures of the wild dogs,
That search with keen eyes and noses
The svelte silhouettes of the impala
That leaps in great bounds
Over the brush
As the waters flow
Over rocks and stones,
To cascade in the highest fall
In the Venezuelan rain forest,
All stops
As a bird gives a single feral cry
That seems in an instant to capture the untamed notions and graces
Of the cobalt snow and jade orb
That whirls through the unending, impending darkness and glitter of the universe
...........
Whadya think? (feedback welcomed) ;)
  





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122 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1656
Reviews: 122
Sun Jan 04, 2009 5:50 am
WaterVyper says...



Wow. This was nice. In some parts, it seemed a bit too scientific, and that took away some of the beauty. That's only in my opinion, of course.

As a bird gives a single feral cry


Sorry, but I can't imagine a bird sounding feral. Wolves, yes. Lions, tigers, and bears (oh my), yes. But birds... not really. Maybe piercing or haunting would work better.

The length of the lines are inconsistent, and I'm not sure if that helps or hinders. Also, there's a distinct lack of punctuation. Maybe you should put in commas or periods at the end? Overall, this captured a lot of majesty. I like it. A lot.
There once was a cat.
He wasn’t particularly fat.
Fuzzy was his favorite mat.
And really, that was that.

Oh, but did you really think so?
Keep reading, it’s just the start of the show!
And as for how far this tale will go…
Well, even the cat doesn’t know.
  





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263 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 4362
Reviews: 263
Sun Jan 04, 2009 9:01 pm
Angels-Symphony says...



vox nihili wrote:I wrote this while watching the documentary Planet Earth. It's a really good show....Anywho, 'Rainbow.'

........
The flourish of color
That graces the dull grey branches
Is only a shadow
Of the amazing depths
Of forests around the world
Our world secretes so many
Varieties of life
That they seem to flow out past all boundaries of phylum and species
From birds dancing in frenzied arrays of feathers
That glow brilliantly in the faint light of the forest’s understory
To the majesty of the breaching whales,
Water shimmering in the arctic summer sun
Striped hooved figures move in scores
Over the wet, flooded savannas, cerulean skies reflected on the waters that embrace the verdant plains
The wild thrill
Of the arctic wolf’s cry
That echoes
Over wide open snows
The thunder
Of hooves
Over the spacious plains
In blurs of white, brown black and bay
Travel around the world
To the African plains
And see the ragged lean figures of the wild dogs,
That search with keen eyes and noses
The svelte silhouettes of the impala
That leaps in great bounds
Over the brush
As the waters flow
Over rocks and stones,
To cascade in the highest fall
In the Venezuelan rain forest,
All stops
As a bird gives a single feral cry
That seems in an instant to capture the untamed notions and graces
Of the cobalt snow and jade orb
That whirls through the unending, impending darkness and glitter of the universe
...........
Whadya think? (feedback welcomed) ;)


I like the imagery here, but it's seems unconnected and doesn't flow correctly. Some parts are too long and you should break it up.
You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself into one.

The writer, when he is also an artist, is someone who admits what others don't dare reveal.
  





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14 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1292
Reviews: 14
Thu Nov 24, 2011 3:33 am
bagelbaby says...



I really like the imagery you used in this poem. However, can a bird really sound feral? I wouldn't think so, but that's just my opinion. Maybe in yours, a bird can sound feral, that's not something I would know. Also, you didn't use much punctuation at all. Maybe you could put in some commas or periods at the end of sentences? Just a thought. But over all, the majestic feel of this piece is amazing and definitely does not go unnoticed. Keep up the good work :)
-bagelbaby <3
  








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