Young Writers Society

Gabrielle
There she is, alone again
She's walking by herself again
Down the street
She feels like dying

There she is, losing her mind
Can't anyone try to find
Her will? They know she wants to live again
And she still feels like dying

Gabrielle, Gabrielle
Farewell again, Angel
Poor lonely fallen girl again
It was never a sin

There she is again
Walking by herself
Can't anyone save her?
No. They're not even trying

Poor Gabrielle, Gabrielle
Farewell fallen angel
Just a lonely girl again
Just once she wanted it her way

Gabrielle, fallen Gabrielle


Short but sweet, hope you like it.

Scarlett!

I never knew that you were such a good poet. Everything is positively amazing in this poem-the imagery, the word choice, the flow, the theme. I'm sorry that I don't have a real critique for you, but you're an amazing poet and please do PM me when you post new work.

-Elinor

You like it? Have you read my other stuff. I've yet to post more so only the three for now. Thank you for the review. I've been told by several people that I have a real gift with words, both the poetic kind and the story kind. Considering I only started writing poetry when I was about 13/14 and a took a long break before starting it up again in the last four years...

Ahem. Anyways, thanks again.

~Scarlett.

awesome.... imagery and awesome words used...

keep writing

Thank you. This poem often makes me cry because of who it reminds me of.I'm never going to stop writing unless something really bad happens, like if I lost the use of my arms. I live to write, draw and read. Oh, and listen to music.

Thank you again, for the review.

~Scarlett.

Hi ScarletteFire! I'm here to review.

For the most part I really enjoyed this. I like the sort of half-rhyme that you use throughout this. I'm not sure if the end result is what you intended, but I like it nonetheless.

However, at times the flow got a bit sketchy, and I have some suggestions for you:

ScarlettFire wrote:There she is, losing her mind
#1Can't anyone try to find
Her will? They know she wants to live again
#2And she still feels like dying

#1: This line needs another syllable; maybe try replacing "can't" with "cannot"? I know it sounds strange that way because we hardly ever use "cannot" nowadays, but I kind of like it.

#2: Try rephrasing this part. I don't like it how it is, and would prefer this:

Yet still she feels like dying

If you used that as a replacement it would sound less like prose or speech and more like poetry.

Gabrielle, Gabrielle
Farewell again, Angel
Poor lonely fallen girl again
It was never a sin

Same thing here. Try, "It never was a sin" instead.

Poor Gabrielle, Gabrielle
Farewell fallen angel
Just a lonely girl again
Just once she wanted it her way

What does this last line mean? It confused me.

Gabrielle, fallen Gabrielle

I think this last part needs something. While it doesn't need to be four lines long just to match the rest, I would like it more if it read:

Gabrielle, fallen Gabrielle
Forever will you... [something]

Or something along those lines.

And that's it! Overall I enjoyed it, so keep up the good work.

-Knightley

Thanks for reviewing.

"Just once she wanted it her way" means that she never got 'it' her way, it was always someone else's way. Whether it means love, life, or anything else.

Anyways, thanks again for reviewing.

~Scarlett.

Scarlett!

As promised, I am here to review!

This poem is short indeed but really delves into Gabrielle's despair. However, it becomes a bit too repetitive when you keep say how sad her story is without actually saying how these things happened to her. Thus all I read it pity for the 'fallen angel'. Having said that, I find that the purpose of you writing this is to shed some light on the sad state that Gabrielle is left in. So I can totally understand the tone you are trying to follow. And it has worked.

The flow of this piece is great, and there are some good moments to the piece as well. You have a great way of being descriptive and that's talent, my friend! I'm hoping to read more stuff, so keep the ink flowing!

Murtuza