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Young Writers Society


Wishes and Fishes



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100 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 6748
Reviews: 100
Fri Oct 14, 2011 11:58 pm
Idraax says...



Spoiler! :
This was also posted to the informal Poetry Contest in Time Wasters, but I decided that I wanted actual feedback on it so...
Edit: This is not supposed to make any sense, so....

If wishes were fishes
and I am a fish,
why can't I grant
my own wish?
Last edited by Idraax on Sat Oct 15, 2011 5:18 am, edited 1 time in total.
Check these out please! :)
Alezrani
Will review for food thread
  





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52 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 818
Reviews: 52
Sat Oct 15, 2011 12:44 am
PollarBear14 says...



I'm sorry but I don't like this poem. It just doesn't make sence. You go all over the place without explaining anything. I don't understand what your getting at. And your logic is all wrong. If wishes were fishes and you were a fish then you would be a wish a so no you couldn't grant your own wish. Also to make better sence it should read:

If wishes were fishes
and I was a fish,
why couldn't I grant
my own wish?

I'm sorry to be so harsh but this just didn't work in my opinion and you need to think about how you could make it make more sence.
I look forward to another version of it.
  





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49 Reviews



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Points: 922
Reviews: 49
Sat Oct 15, 2011 1:49 am
MilkNCookies says...



I actually really like it, Idraxx :)
"Fantasy is a way of looking through the wrong end of the telescope."

"The writer who breeds more words than he needs is making a chore for the reader who reads!"

~Dr.Seuss.
  





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104 Reviews



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Points: 1145
Reviews: 104
Sat Oct 15, 2011 2:02 am
paintingtherain97 says...



I love it :)
"It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known..." A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens.
  





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11 Reviews



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Points: 950
Reviews: 11
Sat Oct 15, 2011 2:19 am
Elena_Ravenhill says...



Could be longer thought it kinda cute though.
Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and
some have greatness thrust upon 'em.

Twelfth Night - William Shakespeare
  





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41 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2172
Reviews: 41
Sat Oct 22, 2011 3:29 am
klotrox16 says...



Extremely short, but SOOOOO CUUUUTE!
I loved it! and thought it made perfect sense in an otherworldy-random way. Had kind of a curious toddler theme going on. The last line made it. Delightful and hilarious, I must say. Even a little thought provoking, haha. Don't listen to the people who put this poem down. Keep writing!
Sincerely,
Klotrox
P.S. Make like a mini-series of these poems. That would be fun!
In memory of 1411
  





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78 Reviews



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Points: 4257
Reviews: 78
Sat Oct 22, 2011 3:39 am
davantageous says...



First let me say it is the shortest poem I have ever reviewed. Not only that, but i like the flawless effort you put into writing this mini poem. It made sense to me btw, despite what you said about not making sense.
Keep writing, and do make a mini series of poems like this one.

Nomnomnom
Davantageous
  





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88 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2723
Reviews: 88
Sun Nov 27, 2011 10:21 pm
hudz96 says...



awww thats such a nyc short as poem.
Don’t let your victories go to your head, or your failures go to your heart.
  








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