Young Writers Society

Life Cycle Of A Helium Balloon

Look at them:
resilient and lighter than air
a tail of ribbons fashioned into helices

They push at the ceiling
optimistically bobbing
attempting to escape into space

However they have little endurance
so in a day or two
they surrender to gravity
and wallow on the floor

Their death is slow
but painless
deflating until they slump
shriveled and wrinkled on the ground

Although if I were a helium balloon
I would prefer the other way to go
I think that I would
like to go out with a bang

Look at them:
resilient and lighter than air
a tail of ribbons fashioned into helices

Good beginning.

They push at the ceiling
optimistically bobbing;
attempting to escape into space.

However[color=#FF0000], they have little endurance
so in a day or two
they surrender to gravity
and sulkily sink on the floor
[/color]

Their death is slow,
but painless;
deflating, until they slump
shriveled and wrinkled on the ground

Although if I were a helium balloon,
I would prefer the other way to go
I think I would like
to go out with a bang

Great ending just a comma and moved like up to the third line.

I like it! I do believe that you're the next peot laureate! The things you write on a whim amaze me. Like your creativity, your grammer, everythig really. You're so fun with you're poems, you're limitless. it so great to watcha young writer grow as a poet.

I like this poem-- it is an interesting way to describe an ordinary object.
I mean, not just anyone looks at a balloon and thinks, "Hey, what an interesting balloon. I think I'll write about it." Your poem is surprisingly interesting.
Also, the last verse--

Although if I were a helium balloon
I would prefer the other way to go
I think that I would
like to go out with a bang

Love it. Good job!