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Young Writers Society


The End Of The Night



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Gender: Male
Points: 300
Reviews: 0
Thu Oct 27, 2011 10:29 pm
aScientist says...



I just wanted a kiss
nothing but your kiss,
now I can't believe
how it came to this;
that I'd be so analytical
yet so hypocritical
to think lust is not primitive;
that it can't take us all.

You lie there, in wait,
alluring like fresh bait,
and hope the night'll go slowly
as you find your mate,
and I can't help but procrastinate
do you intoxicate or inebriate,
whether you sooth my senses,
or whether it's just the drink?

For I am just a man
I hold out while I can,
but I know that it's fruitless
as you take my hand.


---


First poem. Please don't be hating on me. Also, intentional rhyme disruption at the end of 2nd stanza, so don't call it a mistake. :)
Change is the law of life. And those who look only
to the past or present are certain to miss the future.
~John F. Kennedy
  





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Gender: None specified
Points: 987
Reviews: 3
Thu Oct 27, 2011 11:24 pm
Drandozo says...



I loved this poem of yours. It's absolutely amazing, my eyes felt like melting (in a good way, of course). Your writing is beautiful. Keep up the good work!
Eh. I'm a chic, even though it says I am not...not exactly sure how to change it...herpaderp imma n00b. :P
  





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140 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1354
Reviews: 140
Thu Oct 27, 2011 11:55 pm
SilentRain says...



Wow, for the firt poem you wrote this is really good :) I wish I could give you advice but it seems as if you need none, good job!

Keep up the good work,

~Rain
topic68479.html <---- Click here to have your poems reviewed!

Theres always a rainbow after the Rain!!!!!!!
  





User avatar
78 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 4257
Reviews: 78
Fri Oct 28, 2011 1:33 am
davantageous says...



I like it, i love it, i want some more of it!
I just wanted a kiss
nothing but your kiss,
now I can't believe
how it came to this;
that I'd be so analytical
yet so hypocritical
to think lust is not primitive;
that it can't take us all.

You lie there, in wait,
alluring like fresh bait,
and hope the night'll go slowly
as you find your mate;
I can't help but procrastinate
do you intoxicate or inebriate,
whether you sooth my senses,
or whether it's just the drink?
LOVE THE FLOW OF THIS SECTION

For I am just a man
I hold out while I can,
but I know that it's fruitless
as you take my hand.
Davantageous
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 12193
Reviews: 275
Sun Nov 27, 2011 5:31 pm
Calligraphy says...



I really liked this; as a girl it was nice to get a boy's perspective on things. Plus, you managed to cover a deep subject, yet keep your poetry mind on! But, because I don't have any complaints I'll keep this short.

- Calli
  








The heavens laugh with you in your jubilee; my heart is at your festival.
— William Shakespeare