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Young Writers Society


A Collection of General Self-Criticsm



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23 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 811
Reviews: 23
Sun Oct 30, 2011 10:41 pm
gokubrother says...



I don't consider myself a poet, for poets are intellectuals that have the power to emulate their feelings into words. With three stanzas they can enamor us, sadden us, or destroy us. I simply use poetry as an escape from problems, from happiness, from life. At the end of each poem I feel a small instant of what true poets feel: satisfacion in my work, proud of myself. Depression is my main result; ashamed that I felt the way I did when I wrote it.

What I would give to remove my emotions,
What I would give to not love again;
To not hurt again.
What I would give to remove what makes me human.

I've lost faith in humanity,
I've lost faith in myself.
Death is not for me,
Sadly, life isn't either.

My childish innocence is long gone.
I'm so ashamed of myself:
Of what I've done,
Of what I've become.

I can't feel anymore.
‎"If you can't build a fire in your house, you can't expect to set the world ablaze."
-Serj Tankian
  





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23 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 811
Reviews: 23
Sun Oct 30, 2011 10:43 pm
gokubrother says...



I posted this for me. Period.
‎"If you can't build a fire in your house, you can't expect to set the world ablaze."
-Serj Tankian
  





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Sun Oct 30, 2011 11:09 pm
GeeLyria says...



Hi gokubrother.

Boy, the way you talk about poetry amazes me. It's like there are still passionated reader/writer. :) I'm glad.

Okay, first I've gotta say that you are indeed a great poet. And the way you write, the way you express yourself, what you talk, is quiet mature for a fifteen year old in my opinion. I like that. The poem flows well, and I can tell it was concise, since you just talked about the point. I think that the only thing that would make this poem better would be adding a metaphor, or a simil, comparing what you feel to things, situations, etc. :) That'd add more beauty y nos haría irnos en el viaje, tu sabes. xD But that's just my advice.

Keep writing.

~Solly<3
Noob is a state of being, not a length of time. ~Ego

"Serás del tamaño de tus pensamientos; no te permitas fracasar."
  





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23 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 811
Reviews: 23
Sun Oct 30, 2011 11:22 pm
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gokubrother says...



Viajeraaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!! ^_^ siempre me gusta leer tus reviews y I'm gonna try adding some stuff (first draft). Thanks for the help Vale!
‎"If you can't build a fire in your house, you can't expect to set the world ablaze."
-Serj Tankian
  





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Sun Nov 27, 2011 1:32 pm
Deanie says...



Hello! :)

I agree with Gee. I think you can call yourself a poet because you write wonderfully. It isn't too complicated or confusing. You write nice and simply, and it is very easy for the writer to understand.

Your emotions come across strongly in this poem and it makes me sorry for you. I can really relate to this poem because sometimes I feel like that too. And sometimes I wish I was just a little child again, wrapped tight in a little happy bubble without a care in the world. But eventually we all grow up at some stage...

Anyways, back to your poem. I think the last verse was the best. And it was very nice how you summed it all up in one single line at the end.

I'm eager to read another one of your future poems!

Deanie x
Trust in God and all else follows.

Deanie, dominating the world since it was cool @Pompadour, 2014
Your username reminds me of a hotdog @Stegosaurus, 2015
Tried to make puns out of your username, but every attempt has been Deanied @Candywizard, 2015
  








Maybe our favorite quotations say more about us than about the stories and people we're quoting.
— John Green