Young Writers Society

Once there was Marth, a prince.
The thought of a date made him wince!
But then he met Ike
Whom he found out he liked
And hasn't seen women since.

Once there lived MARTH,
a great prince.
The thought of a date
made him wince!
But then he met IKE,
Whom he found out he liked,
his emotions decided to fight
against IKE, the one
whom was a general's son
Marth hasn't seen women since.
[quote][/quote]

Once there lived MARTH,
a great prince.The thought of a date
made him wince!
But then he met IKE,
Whom he found out he liked,
his emotions decided to fight
his love; IKE the general's son
Marth hasn't seen women since.

I don't know about other people, but I for one didn't really enjoy this poem. I think it was poorly writtent in various ways. It could have been better with the corrections that people made.However, it still didn't sound right because the poem is incomplete. If you read it aloud to yourself, it will sound like that it has to be more to it than what was written.

I believe if you re-write this poem with more stanza's and a clear thought, this poem would be better. Plus, the title doesn't even go with the one stanza. What you wrote was just explaining that a man was wrong about his instincts when he met someone who he LIKED. Nowhere in the poem did it say he fell in love. Like i said, this poem is incomplete and needs alot of work.

It is not a poem, it is a limerick originally.

Hello

Well, I think the title love doesn't suite this limerick much. I think there may be a better title but I can't think of it. I feel kind of lukewarm about this writing. I did enjoy the story, it seemed really cute and all. But some of the rhyming lines seemed really good, but then there are others which seem a bit forced, and need to be changed. Forced rhyming doesn't sound good. It makes some parts sound awkward. If you read it out loud you might be able to hear them.

And bits of the story to this limerick is missing. I feel like there could be more added in there.

But this limerick is okay. Needs a bit of improving but apart from that its coming along.

Deanie x