Young Writers Society

Jack o, lanterns staring at me jeering
Ghostly faces walk the street
The wind carries the sounds of their cheering
The strange people I will meet
I inhale the late October air
Kids are bobbing for apples in a well
On my quest for candy I hope, well I fare
What is costumed and who is real, is hard to tell
Carpets of dead leaves give a crunch
Is that a rouge shadow in the corner of my eye
People on the sidewalks give handfuls of candy a munch
Sadly it's gone before I have a chance to say goodbye
Leaves swirl around in the air, the wind giving everyones bones a chill
The moon is up so full and bright
Go in if you dare, haunted houses giving anyone a thrill
A howl goes up...werewolves out tonight?
Pinpricks in my shoulder, it burns like fire
Trick or treat the words like a code for people of all ages
A bite from a real life vampire?
Frightening lawn displays - definate bravery gages
Trick or treat the children exclaim
To all of you have a very good night
If you're out of candy, you have no one gut yourself to blame
Watch yourself you, be sure to have a fright

hehehe. i love it. Very well written.

Thank you very much I loved writing it. Glad you love it

I loved it- It made me chuckle

Okay, so I'm English- Are Jack 'O' Lanterns Pumpkins? Sorry- Should probably know that

Hahaha yes they are lucky wish I was born in the UK as opposed to the US lol

In math class reading from my I pad laughing at your comment

I really liked the imagery throughout this poem. you really took the audience through your experience of halloween. Well done.

Thank you lol glad you saw what I did

This poem is in dire need of more punctuation. Right now, everything runs into everything else, and it's hard to tell where one event/description ends and a new one begins, which makes reading the poem a very confusing thing to do. Poems are generally punctuated using the same conventions as regular writing, and not following those conventions makes for a poem that's generally difficult to read (unless the poet really knows what they're doing).

There were also a couple of misspellings, which you should also fix. Spelling checkers are lovely things, and they're quite commonplace nowadays. There's no excuse not to use them.

Those issues aside, this was a cute poem. It'd be cuter if it were easier to read, but for the most part, the rhyme was pretty decently handled, and it didn't feel forced.

Sorry about the terrible spellings. I should revise over it sometime soon. The spell checking capabilities on my I pad are not nearly, half as good as those as my late computer. I will get on top of it as soon as I find some time to carve out. I appreciate your review.

Hey, Ren!!
I love Halloween and now I love it even more
^^
This is a cute poem of yours. Well, I don't think "cute" would be the word, right?! Anyways, I love it!
But, maybe it should be better if you write in stanzas... It is easier to read. And take a second look an punctuation, will you? My suggestion for stanzas is below, but I'm not good on punctuating poems... Sorry.

RenGrey wrote:Jack o, lanterns staring at me jeering
Ghostly faces walk the street
The wind carries the sounds of their cheering
The strange people I will meet

I inhale the late October air
Kids are bobbing for apples in a well
On my quest for candy I hope, well I fare

What is costumed and who is real, is hard to tell
Carpets of dead leaves give a crunch
Is that a rouge shadow in the corner of my eye?

People on the sidewalks give handfuls of candy a munch
Sadly it's gone before I have a chance to say goodbye
Leaves swirl around in the air, the wind giving everyones bones a chill

The moon is up so full and bright
Go in if you dare, haunted houses giving anyone a thrill
A howl goes up...werewolves out tonight?

Pinpricks in my shoulder, it burns like fire
"Trick or treat", the words like a code for people of all ages
A bite from a real life vampire?

Frightening lawn displays - definate bravery gages
"Trick or treat" the children exclaim

To all of you, have a very good night
If you're out of candy, you have no one gut yourself to blame
Watch yourself you, be sure to have a fright

I can't wait to read more from you! And may you have some helpful reviews!
Feel free to PM me or post on my wall if you need anything, okay?! Oh, and I started following you!
I'm sorry if my review sounded harsh... It was not my intention.
Keep writing!!

Thank you for your kind words. I did not find them harsh at all. More encouraging and constructive criticism would be the proper words I'm glad my poem enhanced your love of Halloween.

Hiya! Let me say this first, I think your problem is your age. I think you can sleep sounder when you're younger. Have you tried the Fountain of Youth or the Time Machine?

Getting back, I simply love the idea of All Hallow's Eve. The creepy, the eerie, the scary, the weird-y. The poem was well constructed, simply put and posted and presented. Let me give you a more constructed review.

Concept & Theme:
As I've said, I love the concept of Halloween. And I also appreciate anyone or anything that makes something out of it. And so I did appreciate your poem. The thing that least appealed to me is the theme. You were seeing the neighborhood on All Hallow's Eve, its people and its secrets. I think it was a bit common to Halloween themed poems. But don't see it in a bad way! I think your sis the best from the rest I've read!

Word Choice:
I'm very happy because you did a very good job in this area! Although you put in common words, you did a very good job in connecting it, making a colorful array of views and images pop up in my mind as I read. Very creative!

Technicality:
Here i'll discuss the things I think you missed when proofing your work:

If you're out of candy, you have no one gut yourself to blame

I think the term you're trying to post is 'but' not 'gut'. Try to check on that.

People on the sidewalks give handfuls of candy a munch

I think the bunch didn't show or explain anything about the candies. I think you can say 'bunch' or any other quantifier for this.

A bite from a real life vampire?

I think you shouldn't ask at that part because it stopped the rhythm of introducing the 'hood.
Remember, these are just my notices. Some notices are incorrect; I just wan you to check up on them!

Overall Total:
I simply love it! Great work! Keep on writing those poems!

Best wishes,
Al

Thanks you Al