z

Young Writers Society


Old Friends



User avatar
84 Reviews


Gender: Female
Points: 1764
Reviews: 84
Thu Nov 24, 2011 1:18 am
amygabb says...



Spoiler! :
Like I said in the description, this is the first 'structured' poem I've ever written. EVER. Also, the first peoms I have ever rhymed in. So, this is in the format of a Lilibonelle. This is the way they are formatted:

Pattern:
Stanza 1 line 1 

Stanza 1 line 2 

Stanza 1 line 3 

Stanza 1 line 4

Stanza 2 line 1 - repeats Stanza 1 line 2

Stanza 2 line 2 

Stanza 2 line 3 

Stanza 2 line 4

Stanza 3 line 1 - repeats Stanza 1 line 3

Stanza 3 line 2 

Stanza 3 line 3

Stanza 3 line 4

Stanza 4 line 1 - repeats Stanza 1 line 4

Stanza 4 line 2

Stanza 4 line 3

Stanza 4 line 4 
 


Old Friends


The day I realized
You were not who I thought,
That you surmised, apprized and demised,
Much freer and content I was.

You were not who I thought
After it all was said and done.
I changed? You sound a bit fraught.
Maybe you’ve heard - it is called growing up

That you surmised, apprized and demised,
I am impressed with your dedication.
You tiptoed and whispered and stylized
Inevitably, I am hurt nonetheless.

Much freer and content I was
After your true colors shone through.
Stand up and take a bow: cause
You really deserve the applause.
Life is not about how you sing in the sun, it is about how you dance in the rain.
  





User avatar
14 Reviews


Gender: Female
Points: 330
Reviews: 14
Thu Nov 24, 2011 1:51 am
MariaRowlands says...



I have to say that that was extremly sad. I think that you are very talented. I was suprised when you said that it was your first poem so I thought it may lack alot of the rhythm but it has perfect rhythm, perfect use of words and a perfect and sutible title. Please continue writing more poems like this.
May The Blood of my Enemies Flow Like Rivers to the Sea
  





User avatar
249 Reviews


Gender: Male
Points: 9525
Reviews: 249
Thu Nov 24, 2011 2:27 pm
murtuza says...



Hey, Gabby!

Ah, I like first attempts! This was a great poem! I really enjoyed it and the structure was really cool. Language the descriptions were all fine, though I felt the rhymes could have been a little more evened out, seeing as there were areas that seemed awkward without the matching rhyming words. Though you picked it up well, and did a great job in the end.
Nice work! I always enjoy reading your poetry! Thanks for sharing :D

Murtuza
:)
It's not about the weight of what's spoken.
It's about being heard.
  








coffee and writing is a superior duo
— LadyBug