Young Writers Society

This is another poem I worked on for the Writing Club in my school. We're still on the topic of imagery, but we're trying to make everything flow better at our last meeting. In this poem, I'm talking about 'Mother Earth' and how we're 'killing' her, with all the pollution, littering, etc. If there's anything you see that I need to fix, please tell me! Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy it. :]

~

She wears a dress
of flowers and ivy.
Breathes life
as other look upon her with envy.

Her beauty diminishes
as smoke fills her lungs.
Begging for air,
as it becomes stolen by thugs.

Her eyes
once a vibrant green
become ghostly pale
losing its sheen...

Glass pierces her skin,
with cuts that run deep
as the ocean.
Yet no one helps her as she weeps.

Everyone knows of her,
because they do this - we do this.

We're hurting her.
We're bruising her.
We're scarring her.
We're killing her.

And we'll regret it when she's dead.

"She wears a dress
of flowers and ivy.
Breathes life
as other look upon her with ency.

Her beauty diminishes
as smoke fills her lungs.
Begging for air,
as it becomes stolen by thugs.

Her eyes
once a vibrant green
become ghostly pale
losing its sheen...

Glass pierces her skin,
with cuts that run deep
as the ocean.
Yet no one helps her as she weeps.

Everyone knows of her,
because they do this - we do this.

We're hurting her.
We're bruising her.
We're scarring her.
We're killing her.

And we'll regret it when she's dead."

All of those stanzas were very good, but that's my opinion, and I'm not the best poetry analyzer. But in my mind, I really liked it, because it's a clever way to show your thoughts on pollution, and other dangers to the world. Nice job, and keep up the good work.

I really like this poem! I thought that the imagery in this was really good, especially in this stanza:

Glass pierces her skin,
with cuts that run deep
as the ocean.
Yet no one helps her as she weeps.

Beautiful!

I enjoyed the rhyming in this. I have always preferred rhyming poems personally. I also thought that the rhythm was overall pretty good. There were a few lines where it was off and it kind of jumped though. I think your main problem is that you made some lines too short. I'm not sure, it just seemed abrupt in some places. Mostly it was fine though

There was also one minor typo:

Breathes life
as other look upon her with ency.

Should be envy.

Overall, I really enjoyed this! I think it has a good message behind it. The imagery was fantastic and it was well written. Well done!