Young Writers Society

Talking with Distraction

Distraction.
So fuzzy, so funny.
You make me laugh, randomly mentioning the puns in my favorite TV show
Or help me write a song in my head when I’m in a fog.
You make Algebra more fun, for me, my dear.
Distraction—Distraction?!
Hey, y’know, I was talking to you!
~
Oh, hi there, Day-Dreaming.
How have you been?
Dreamy? Yes? I have too.
Dreaming, say, tell me, is there a day-dream fairy?
Who can make your daydreams come true?
I know, I know, there’s no tooth-fairy, everybody over eight knows that—
But seriously—oh, you are the one after all, OK.
So! Can you grant me a wish?
I want him-no, not the old guy, the teacher with the glasses—eww! Him, right there, see?
Next to the bleachers, in jersey 47, make him notice me.
Oh, is that so? You can’t grant wishes based on love?!
What kind of a dream are you? Anything is possible in dreams!
~
Hello, Attention. How’s life treating you?
What? You say I need to spend some time with you?
Is that supposed to be an insult, girlie?
Because I am your maker, you don’t exist without my consent!
I am the one who gives something my attention, girl, and don’t you ever forget it!
Hmph! Attention is just out there for the attention she gets, anyway.
I think I’ll go see if Distraction is in again.

......

Yes, I know the ?! (I think they should be called quexclamation marks) are grammatically incorrect, but the sentence just isn't worth writing in this instance, without it. So. Review if you will, or don't if you won't.

I like it and it was so true. What I will say is that my favorite part is the part when the person talks to their daydreams. The beginning with distractions was okay and so was the convo with attention. I'm better at reviewing stories and short stories so I'll try my best to give you an opinion. I'm mainly a fan with poetry that has a sort of present structure and I know it sound unprofessional but I like poems that kind have a rhyme scheme but it doesn't mean your poem is bad. I'm just not a fan, sorry to say. Other than that, it's a good poem.

Heya great poem!
I loved the first stanza; it was very funny and had a good lead to make you want to read the rest of the poem. One thing is that in the third line it kind of messes up the rhythm a little bit, because the line is much too long.

In the second stanza, I didn't realize it was switching to a totally different thing at that moment, because day-dreaming is pretty close to distraction in meaning, so it would make much more sense to the reader if you switched the positions of the second and third stanzas so there would be absolutely no confusion.

I like the conversation with attention. It's funny and made me laugh. However, the second-to-last line didn't make much sense, could you clarify a little more there?

Otherwise, great job and keep writing!