Young Writers Society

Actually,this is a great poem.But when it come to the rhythm,something wrong with it.But never mind,it still wonderful for me.
"Walk into the fog,
Don't worry.
Nothing will jump out at you.
I promise.
I'll protect you."The rhythm there is good.I still can feel and get the lyric there.But in the next stanza,I lost it already.

Don't worry,this is a god job.I know you can do better than this later.So, keep writing!:)
~NiGhT_WaLkEr`

Lisa M Cooper,

I like the concept for this piece. I like how the speaker keeps reiterating his/her assurance that everything will be alright, everything is going to be okay - but there is a lot lacking to the point it feels somewhat hollow and empty. I got to the end and I felt unsatisfied, I found myself saying, that's it?

Just as a story needs a beginning, middle, and end (otherwise known as a plot) - poetry needs something as well. Not necessarily a plot, but a moment of discovery. There is no discovery in this. There's not even exploration, even though I feel like the potential is there.

After all - even though the voice is saying that the fog will protect "you" - fogs are not solid, fogs are not permanent. And don't we as human beings long for solidity and permanence?

Just something to think about. I hope this helps. If you have any questions, be sure to ask.

~ as always, Audy