Young Writers Society

Why, hello there
come to visit me?
Writing a report
on me? I see.
where shall I start?
Maybe at age ten?
A dog got run over.
It made me grin.
At age fifteen,
biology was fun
I’d test lab rats
and kill them when done.
year 21 was great
I’d hit on chicks in bars
get them to come with me
they’d soon be seeing stars
once they woke up
the real fun would start
the experiments, their screams
then I’d cut out their heart!
That year was the best!
I didn’t want it to stop
but it came to an end
when I hit on a cop.
So now here I am
a real live lunatic
stuck in this place
the home for the manic.
Leaving so soon?
Come back anytime!
You could stay longer
if you commit the right crime!

This work is really well thought out and thought-provoking, ina good way. Sometimes, depending on the type of poetry or what you're writing about, it can be hard to rhyme. In your poem, you managed to rhyme, and I solute you for that. Your poem is very creative. It has... spunk! Keep on writing!

This is really quite fantastic. The light-hearted tone was an odd choice-- or so I thought at first. After reading it through a few times, I realized that the tone was what made it so creepy. The fact that you could use a very similar beat and apply it to a children's poem really throws the reader for a loop, which is great.
Your word choice is generally very good too. You seem to know just when to add a haunting phrase.
I must say that my favourite part of all is the ending.

Leaving so soon?
Come back anytime!
You could stay longer
if you commit the right crime!

This is honestly one of the most eerie conclusions to a piece of writing I've ever read. Well done.
I hope you keep up this kind of work. It's great, fresh and surprising. Bravo.

Just as was said in the review above, the lighthearted aspect was an interesting choice, but it definitely did this poem justice. It was eerie and chilling and sent goosebumps running along my arms. I think the most bone-chilling line had to be

catslikebooks2 wrote:A dog got run over.
It made me grin.

I'm not sure why I felt this was the creepiest, especially considering there's a part in the poem where women have their hearts cut out, but that was just so... disturbing. "a dog got run over. It made me grin"
It made me grin...
The word grin just added so much more effect then something like 'smile' or 'smirk' would have done. Kudoz to you. This was comical and terrifying at the same time!

ooooooooooooooookaaaaaaayy weeeird lol

Weird, I actually remember reading this before on this site by you! It made me laugh, I'm into dark humor like that. I honestly see nothing wrong with your poem. I like the sadistic rhythm to it. Where did you get the idea for this? Because it's wonderful.

My one nitpick is that you should make it longer! Forever may you write.


~ Misfit ~

Your poem made me grin! Well done, I love it. Your poetry is really thought provoking, eery, creepy and cool. Great work. It's interesting how, on certain lines, the reader feels confused about what the narrator is saying but is then immediately satisfied with reasoning or a conclusion usually written in a sadistic and creepy way that either disgusts or thrills the reader. Great work! I hope to read other things you've written!