Young Writers Society

Words, words, words
carefully crafted
somewhere between my
soul and fingertips
The way I open myself
for the world to see
written down
in poetry and prose
my thoughts now permanent
on lined paper

Justwrite94 wrote:written down
in poetry and prose
my thoughts now permanent
on lined paper

Rather than 'written down', seeing as it's a commonly used phrase, I suggest using a synonym like 'scrawled' or 'scripted'.
A further description of the paper might do you some good, not too much, just give me something more than just 'lined'.
And 'my thoughts now permanent' is kind of boring. Add some life to it and say something like 'my thoughts now hold a home' or 'my thoughts now eternally reside' 'my thoughts continue through pen and ink'
Idk, those are just some suggestions, but other than that, this was lovely very short sweet, and easily interpreted. Keep writing!

Hey Justwrite! Dogs here with your review today! Nice poem you have here but firstly welcome to YWS! I hope you enjoy it here . Anyways back to the poem.. This is a good poem, short, simple, and it gets the point across. However, this is also a short poem. I am a huge huge huugggeeee fan of short poems which is why I am kinda hard reviewer on them so sorry If i'm a little "harsh". Short poems are arguably the hardest style of poems to write. You have to write about a generally simple or complex topic and get the point across clearly, while at the same time keeping good rhythm, while at the same time using strong imagery or description to describe what happens or to support your poem. And doing all that in just a few lines. That is incredibly hard.

So this is a good poem with an interesting and unique topic, but I feel like this poem is more of a statement then a poem. It's more like a paragraph in a book that you just broke up into different lines. So firstly, Grammar.... I hate grammar.... but when it comes to writing poetry grammar is a huge contributing factor to making your poem's rhythm flow better and making it easy for the reader to read and understand. Right now you are seriously lacking in the grammar department so here is how it should look:

"Words, words words.
Carefully crafted
somewhere between my
soul and fingertips.
The way I open myself
for all the world to see
written down.
In poetry and prose,
my thoughts now permanent
on lined paper.

So thats how it should look grammar wise, now for content. This is a simple topic, typically I like more complex topics but I'm not here to critique the topic, If you really want to make this a strong piece you can add in a more repetition type of feel to it. You have started a great idea and have a good beginning ground to make this a great repetition poem but really repeating the word "words". So maybe ever once and a while throw in "words" into a line. For example, just taking a possibility from the first three lines:

"Words, words words,
carefully crafted.
Words. Somewhere between
my soul and fingertips..."

That is just an idea of spicing this thing up! Now if you don't like that idea I think that maybe you should increase a little bit more on your imagery. You have a good start for a strong imaginative poem. Imagery poetry is a poem that is based entirely on the visual or mostly on the visual. Your goal, if you are writing an imaginative piece, is to make the reader see what you or your character in the poem is seeing. So a good example of that, you set this up perfectly but didn't quite execute the imagery specifically in the last part of the poem:

"written down
in poetry and prose
my thoughts now permanent
on lined paper"

So here is a fantastic place to start using some imagery so for example maybe say something like:

Written down
in poetry and prose
my thoughts now stained
in ink on lined paper

Or something a long those lines. Well thats all i really have to say. This is a good piece but it has potential to be a great piece! Keep up the good work!!!


TuckEr EllsworTh

Short and sweet! I like it! I especially like the first four lines!

Justwrite94 wrote:Words, words, words
carefully crafted
somewhere between my
soul and fingertips

I like the repetition at the beginning. I also like the alliteration of the second line, and the with I get in my head with the third and fourth is just phenomenal. Now the rest of the poem seems kind of dull and a little forced compared to the beginning. I think you just need to read over the beginning again, and you'll think of an awesome ending to go with that amazing beginning!

I love topic! All of us readers and writers can relate to it. The line "somewhere between my soul and my fingertips" was excellent and it made me think. Although the poem was brief, you really got your "point" across. I also like the use of "write, write, write" at the beginning to make a statement and explain that it is repetitive. However, I lost my mental image and overall interest at the somewhat drab words: "written down on paper.." Spice it up a bit! Try using a Thesaurus for synonyms. That's what I do. Hope this helps! Keep up the great work.
Thanks,
GG127