Young Writers Society

I wrote this about a year or 2 ago, and decided it could use some help possibly maybe. So critiques are welcome
this poem tis' where I got my username from, get it, swallowedbyinsanity... xD

To feel love
Is more than simply to desire
It is to desperately need
Once the eye has caught the beauty
In which is contained that of first love
You may deny it
Til’ your death bed drowns you
In its endless slumber of unconsciousness
But the feeling shall forever remain
Burning so brightly
As only love always does
Eternally inside you
Let me experience it ever more
Than have it sucked from my chest
I beg of you
Not to stab at my scars
Or unwind
The stitches so hastily fixed upon my wounds
Ever so delicately take my hand
Just as you have done my heart
And if love engulfs me in insanity
Then so be it
I am insane

Aww that is one lovely poem!! you really wrote this when you were 13 only???
I love the ending part the most, it has such a soft way to it, so gentle. Shoot it girl i cant see anything wrong in it!!

"Ever so delicately take my hand
Just as you have done my heart
And if love engulfs me in insanity
Then so be it
I am insane"

That part just rox!!!

Hello, Insanity! Rose here. I'll be reviewing this piece today!

I genuinely like this poem. The title drew me in immediately (I'm always interested in pieces about insanity, because I usually feel like I'm teetering on the edge of going insane, haha). I wasn't disappointed. Taking into consideration the fact that you wrote this when you were only 13, I'm very impressed.

The only major problem I see with this piece deals with the punctuation and capitalization of it. I feel like they're very important when it comes to poetry, but I also know that some poets don't like to use them. If you're somebody who makes a point of not using them, then how you've organized this piece is fine; however, I'm still going to give you an example of how I feel it should be edited in case you intend to edit it in the future.

To feel love
is more than simply to desire.
It is to desperately need.
Once the eye has caught the beauty
in which is contained that of first love,
you may deny it
til’ your death bed drowns you
in its endless slumber of unconsciousness.

On a final note, I would recommend splitting this into stanzas. That way, each part of your piece will stand out and its awesomeness will be emphasized.

All in all, great work! Always keep writing!

-Rose