Young Writers Society

Speak to me
let me create
vivid dreams
to come awake

Mystery unfolds
breathtaking detail
quite more than precious
my lover will soon see

Such emotion
beautiful disaster
messy, smudgy
But oh, oh so lovely

O la la! Very enticing poem!This poem exudes seductiveness!I can just picture it! This poem is very vivid, exuberant in its descriptions, without revealing too much. I don't know how you fit so much tone in such a small poem as you did! This poem is beautifully executed, and the diction really creates a poem on it's own level! I bet this poem could seduce your guy!

Hahaha! No I'm still sane, don't worry, I can still critique your work. Hahahahaha

Ok, I'm not laughing now. I like your poem because it entails a slow-mo story. I really like those scenes in the movies wherein they slow up the moment just to emphasize the occassion. That's exactly what you did in this piece.

I also like works about art. It's like 'art about art' or something. You get me? Oh, just forget it...

Moreover, I like the last part of the poem:

Such emotion
beautiful disaster
messy, smudgy
But oh, oh so lovely

Well, except for the 'beautiful disaster' part. I think it really doesn't fit the poem. Additionally, I think this part of the piece is very artsy, unlike the upper verses. I think you should make you're overall poem like this. The tone is from an artist, making it more fit with your theme and story concept.

Here's my rating for you:

Keep up writing!

Your Quick Critic,
Al