Young Writers Society

Blood.
It's like a drug,
better than this shitty ass one
I'm getting high off of.
The blade the pipe I smoke,
when I put it to my skin,
slicing deep and getting numb,
high off the pain I feel.
Better than the world's pain,
the pain they shove down my throat,
like a pair of pills to drug me,
make me lucid and unseeing
of what they really do to us.
But they can't take away my shard,
the sharpness of the edge,
slitting my finger, my wrist, my stomach, my throat,
spilling the blood that is
my drug.

Well I'll say this is one of the darker poem's I've read so far, I can say at most it's ok. I guess but I believe there could be more added to this. and also a rhyme scheme to it always makes poems all the more better in my opinion, and it also makes it catchy. but it's my personal opinion I hope to read more in the future.

Your Reviewer-
MasterLHeart

I have to say this is very good. I disagree with Heart's idea that it should have a rhyme scheme. This seems like its meant to be a narrative poem. Though if you are going to do a narrative poem try to make it more so that it feels like a person talking yet...feels poetic. Get it? Like Shakespeare. You can tell the people are talking but its still poetic, and I'm not talking about the iambic pentameter stuff. Improve that and the already powerful message will hit even harder. The message was also very good. I thought this was going to be some politically correct "don't do drugs" slogan but now it was something different. You somehow empathized with drug users and why they might want to withdraw from reality. And that my good sir is amazing. Great poem.

Personally I liked this one. I agree with the reviewer above me that it doesn't need to rhyme to be good. It sort of frightened me seeing how old you are and what you think. Its great that you feel so strongly about things, and can feel and see things differently than people, but sometimes thats scary too. Your descriptions are really good for someone as young as you (sorry if I offend you by mentioning that) but really, the descriptions are great. Maybe let us know a bit more about whats going on. Why is the main character feeling like this? Was their one pivotal moment in their life when they really were just like, what ever, I give up? of course, don't tell us everything! But maybe a subtle hint as to why the main character is the way that they are. Overall, the formatting can use a touch of work, but your word usage and the emotion you try to capture is solid. =]

Hello there, I'm Flow and I'll be your reviewer for the evening. My overall opinion of this poem was that it is very morbid and, to be honest, cliche. This is about where I started out when I started writing. I was around your age when I started cutting and writing was just another escape. With that said on to your review.

You don't really have this in stanza form so I will just give tips here and there. The first thing you say is that blood is like a drug. Well not everyone has done drugs so it would be nice if you elaborated. I mean tell us what makes it feel so good, tell us why the real thing is so crappy. You can't just expect us to know what you mean by you just saying it.

You go onto to use some foul language that really has no effect in this poem. I think putting language in a poem is trashy and very un-needed. There are plenty of words you can use that are effective that won't give the "I'm a ranty teenager" effect.

"The blade, the pipe I smoke," doesn't really make sense. (I added a needed comma) I mean I understand it but again we want some visuals in this piece. You are telling us a story when you should be showing us a story. What good is all the emotion you put in this piece if we can't relate to it. There has to be an even balance of description, metaphors, emotion, and flow. If you don't have these things in a poem nobody will know what your talking about. I mean we know but we want to relate to you as a person.

Then you say that you put it in your skin, again this is telling. Show us what you mean!

You say like a pair of pills to drug you. What does that mean, I'm not a pill head so maybe I'm just missing something but you know how that goes. There are several puntuation errors in this and the rest of this is something I've read before. You need something new and exciting with vivid descriptions and stuff of the sort. You can't just throw your emotions on a page, that something we can't relate to.

I hope I've helped, if you ever need to talk about anything I'm all ears.

-Flow-