Young Writers Society

Hey guys! It's unsocialbutterfly with another poem for you guys to review If you've never read my stuff go check it out please and also tell me what you think about the title and the paragraphs and punctuation please.

It's like I'm under water,
Kicking and trying to get to the surface,
But when I stop fighting,
I remember
That I can breathe.

I'm pulling at my chains,
Trying to soar,
But there's nowhere to go,
And I'm not sure I really want to fly.

I'm tied to you
And you won't let me go.

I locked the chains on
All by myself
But now my toes are cold.

You keep getting closer
And my heart pounds nervously in my chest
And yet all I want you to do
Is be with me.

Make me forget there will be binds,
Or better yet,
Make me want them.

In the second stanza, I don't think you should end two lines with 'fly,' though I don't know what you could change it to. I like this poem a lot, really romantic. Sorry this isn't a very good (or long) review, hope it helps though.

Going off of what tgirly said, maybe you could change 'fly' to 'go'? Just a suggestion.
Anyway, love this! Contrast between water and sky, very nice I liked the imagery of the chains, and the internal conflict and confusion. Very vivid and imaginative.
Love it!
Stay Awesome,
Socks