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Young Writers Society


Awaken



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Points: 300
Reviews: 0
Sat Jan 14, 2012 1:24 pm
Seventh says...



Night dawns,
Little is found but silence,
Broken only by the gentle snores.

Curtains are drawn, candles left half burnt
Wheels come to a halt, shadows disappear into deeper darkness still.

Yet I lay,
awaken,
to the sound of music in my memory.



This is my first ever time writing :| please dont go too harsh~ @>_<@ Much appreciated, thank you~ ^ ^
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 1147
Reviews: 374
Mon Jan 16, 2012 1:12 am
tgirly says...



awaken shoud be awakened with a 'd.' Other than that, there weren't any grammatical mistakes and the poem had a nice flow, so good job with that! I'm not sure what my opinion is about the last line; it's kind of just there, I don't feel it completely fits with the rest of the poem, though that's my opinion and there's a good chance I'm wrong; I'm sure I've been wrong before. Hope this helped, sorry I didn't have any real critics for you.
When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel
  








May you never steal, lie, or cheat. But if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows. And if you must lie, then lie with me all the nights of your life. And if you must cheat, then please, cheat death.
— An Unknown Bride, Leap Year