I am sitting in an eleventh grade math class. I have just found out that the boy I so dearly have worshiped from afar, and now have finally come to be friends with…has found someone else to be with. A girl I even know as an acquaintance. My eyes are stricken with still forming tears. My cheeks are red and stained with the mascara I so recklessly globbed on this morning. The people sitting around me take a glance at the girl making light wining noises in the far corner of the room, and take two guesses as to who it is. Hmmm, could it be me? I believe so my miserable compatriot. They turn away quickly once I give them a fierce look in the eye, but it was not my wish to drive their glances away. No, it was the opposite in fact, for I wish the entire world to feel my pain. Surely if anyone were to know of my suffering they would most definitely fling themselves at my side and pelt me with chocolates and honest, truthful sympathy. But alas, no one comes running, as I are so numb my mouth cannot open to form words. Only sobs escape me, rocking my body with slight convulsions of the heart.
I turn in the direction of the friend sitting behind me, and give her a pathetic excuse for a smile. Anything would be better than to feel what I am feeling at this moment, and I are desperately wishing for her to strike up a conversation. My manic glance awards me with a mildly concerned, “Hey, are you okay?” and a furrow of her brow. Choking out a disturbing laugh at the question, I then mutter something to the idea of, “I’m fine” and then go on to stare at her desperately. What to say, I wonder and pray that she inquires further. She does not. I am befuddled, because surely she must realize a person in my state is most obviously not “fine” as I so artfully put it. But nay, she dismisses my appearance and takes me at face, or rather, word value.
This fine example of human compassion then goes on to say in a borderline annoyed voice, “the room is cold.” I suppose it is, because this creature is clearly sucking the warmth from the room, and from my heart, leaving an icy chill to replace the numbness that had settled previously. Trying not to stare at her as though she were the devil, I mumble something about the math work, and my friend whips her head quickly toward you. Finally, I think, she has noticed me, as I so often have noticed her! Yes, she will now give me the respect I have given her in times of need! With her eyes focused intently and deeply into mine so that we can both see each other more totally than anything else in the room, she tilts her head sideways and asks me…with a hint of worry she says… “Can you help me with the math work? I have no idea what’s going on.” No you don’t! I scream mentally, still staring at her as if she was insane. Who are you, demon child, who cannot see the pain so clearly written upon my face like a stigma of the soul that exposes itself by way of expression! I do not say this though, and instead mutter dully, “sure.”
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